Slept together Labor Day weekend
Told me you’re expecting last week
I’m over the moon
Be a dad pretty soon
Then you turned to me and told me you need

Sliced tomatoes in ice cream
Sprinkled with olives and peas
Your pregnancy cravings
You know they stupefy me

Headed to the store for some carrots
Snickers bars and pickled sardines
The salad you list here
It doesn’t exist, dear
And then you call me up and you scream

“French Canadian green beans!
I’ll need a hundred and three.”
Your pregnancy cravings
You know they stupefy me

Stocking up on kiwi and grapefruit
Forty packs of Doublemint gum
The kind that you find
When you’re waiting in line
But she says you’re not done yet ‘cause she needs

Rice-a-Roni and cream cheese
And every pickle you see
Your pregnancy cravings
You know they stupefy me

Looking at the kitchen I just have to say
I’m glad we got a big ol’ pantry
All of the cabinets
Have no more room left
The only place that’s left is on the stove

I know that your hormones are changing
Trying really hard not to judge
Although I’ll admit
That I still do not get
Why you woke me up to tell me you need

White zucchini and soybeans
Soaked up in chamomile tea.
Your pregnancy cravings
You know they stupefy me

Sweet and sour chicken alfredo
Peanut butter straight from the jar
You once took a frog’s leg
And dipped it in quail egg
And covered it in barbecue sauce

What the hell were you thinking?!
You know I love you, but please!
Your pregnancy cravings
You know they stupefy me
Your pregnancy cravings
You know they stupefy me