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Song Parodies -> "Big Bad John (The Ballad of David Vitter)"

Original Song Title:

"Big Bad John"

Original Performer:

Jimmy Dean

Parody Song Title:

"Big Bad John (The Ballad of David Vitter)"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Meet David Vitter, U.S. Senator from Louisiana. Not a liberal Democrat, but a Republican, a conservative evangelical Christian, sponsor of a bigoted anti-gay bill because marriage is the thing that holds civilization together... regular client of a Washington, D.C. escort service! And what do you call a prostitute's customer? A john. Apparently, he was, for the escorts, a pretty good john, not a bad john. They haven't gone on record as to whether he is big. Prominent, maybe... Big in embarrassment, big in hypocrisy, certainly...
Big john!
Big john!

Every morning on the Hill, you can see him arrive.
His kind shoulda been wiped out in 1865.
Kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow in the mind
and everybody knows he's hypocritical kind.
Big john.

(Big john!)
(Big john!)

Big bad john!

(Big john!)

It doesn't really matter where john calls home
when he walks out of the house and leaves his wife all alone.
Around tough questions, he's quiet and shy
until he meets the hookers and just says, "Hi."
Big john.

Somebody said he came from New Orleans
compromising position with a Cajun queen
and a nice massage from a feminine hand
sent a Louisiana fellow to the promised land.
Big john.

(Big john!)
(Big john!)

Big bad john!

(Big john!)

Then came the day when Larry Flynt
knew with GOP guys he could make a mint.
Liars were praying and hearts beat fast.
For the moment, Dave Vitter stands out as the last
big john.

Through the dust and the smoke of his man-made hell
walked a giant of the "marriage-defending" cell.
Grabbed his sagging ratings, gave out with a groan
and hoped his honey of a wife wouldn't leave him alone.
Big john.

(Big john!)
(Big john!)

Big bad john!

(Big john!)

And with all of his strength, he said, "God forgive
me for letting Your teachings through me like a sieve!"
And twenty men scrambled from his career in a grave
and now there's none left willing to save
big john.

Could Bob Livingston come back as a fluke?
Could they even elect old David Duke?
The favorite is ex-Governor David Treen.
But everybody knows it's the end of the scene
for big john.

(Big john!)
(Big john!)

Big bad john!

(Big john!)

Now, he never should've opened that can of worms.
Just look at him now, and see how he squirms.
These few words should be written on his stand:

"At the bottom of this grave lies a dumb, dumb man.
Big john."

(Big john!)
(Big john!)

Big bad john!

(Big john!)

(Big john!)

Big bad john!
I know, I'm pushing the envelope with some of these lyrics, but it's Senator Vitter who's REALLY pushing... his... ... ... luck.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.0
How Funny: 2.0
Overall Rating: 2.0

Total Votes: 22

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   16
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   5

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin - July 16, 2007 - Report this comment
i like,you gave me an idea for a song
John Barry - July 16, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm shocked to find that there's vice going on in D.C. and Louisiana! "Your hooker, sir."
Advertisement I saw once: - July 17, 2007 - Report this comment
"If Ted Kennedy had been driving a Volkswagon, he'd be President today..."
Bernard Pacholek - July 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Shows what you know: Ted's so fat, he couldn't FIT in a V-Dub! Ha! David Vitter is a good Christian and a good conservative. You want hypocrisy? How about not being Christian at all, Mikey you atheist socialist liberal!
Michael Pacholek - July 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Ted wasn't fat back then. Of course, if that bridge hadn't been so narrow and had been properly lit... Anyway, how can you defend Vitter? As for being an "atheist," the fact that Bush now has only a 26 percent approval rating is a pretty good sign that there's a God, and He ain't happy with the guy you think He wanted in the White House.
John Jenkins - July 17, 2007 - Report this comment
This parody is better than your other Vitter opus (less rant and more humor), but ... give it a rest, will ya?!?
Melanie Lee - July 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Some good laughs here. I'm not sure your pacing is spot-on, and I thought you ran out of steam near the end, and used too many of the original lyrics. However, good job overall. Since everyone else seems to be ranking you on politics rather than merit, giving you either 111 or 555 (the 1 on pacing would be totally unfair; 1 on "how funny" is, of course, totally subjective), I'll give you "what four"--444!
Immoral Liberal - July 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Ah, the Terhune vote is in - and it took her 15 different computers to do it. You've got to hand it to the religious "right" - they do know how to change the outcome of a vote. Foley, Giulianni, Gingrich, Hyde, Vitter, Horsley - the moral right of society. Didn't we impeach a president for less? The latest story I heard on the pampered crusader for the sanctity and preservation of marriage (under god, indivisible - oh, wrong oath, sorry) was that he visited this escort service and had the women put him in diapers. Now this has to be true as I read it in the NY Post. Piss off the republicans: "Vote Hillary and Obama into the White House." (will we be censoring this post too?)

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