Hays Goes

Hays goes to work every day, blue pencil in hand.
Hates jokes; don't go�he is a constipated man.
He's going to protect young and old ladies
From messy words and images�ones that he'll ban.
He's a bluenose, but his face a red shade; he
Saw something 'about a girl messin' 'round with a man.
And it made him drool.

Hays goes to his office in Tinsel Town�
He's the Town's clown now.
Hays mows signs of creativity down.
He's always wearing a frown, yeah.
Yeah.
Keep it hid�use a blotter.

To the writers, he's just a pest, just a pest around Town.
One week a whole crew shot a
Film he wrecked�it had a girl in a dressing gown
He made them reshoot it.

That lady Mae West, with scripts, was fooling around,
And he shaved off the puns!. . .
Outfoxed her.
Uptight.
Have to shoot the film again, lady!
Yeah!
He prigged it;
So uptight.

Hays blows:
All the writers sum up the situation so.
"Hays blows," they said. . .
Would like to run him down in the lot at Metro.

He'll make sure that no mouth
Says something sexy�no way!
Clamped tight.

He's checking every mouth
As editors do Foley.*
He wants very much to fine three:
They used slang when they shoulda
Used a joke that was connotation-free.

He leaves with a righteous scowl.
He's gonna go now.
Hays goes,
And they all run him down:

"Goodbye, busybody!"

Hays blows. . . .


*Foley editing: postproduction sound recording.