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Song Parodies -> "Next! (security queue)"

Original Song Title:

"Next! (military queue)"

Original Performer:

Jacques Brel

Parody Song Title:

"Next! (security queue)"

Parody Written by:

Barry J. Mitchel

The Lyrics

Those who watched an old Korean War TV drama series know what MASH means. But only Jacques Brel fans recognize MAWH, where the stress of battle was relieved periodically in WW2. But the protagonist in TOS got a different kind of PTSD, that is shared now by occasional and frequent flyers in the USA. To paraphrase Dinah Shore, "Drive your Chevrolet, beat the TSA!"
I was still just a kid
When my innocence was lost
At a show-all airport check-point
Sifting out harm, we'd freedom tossed

Next, next

I was still, frustrated
There were a hundred like me
I followed another body
Another body followed me

Next, next

Faking a grin, uneasy bowel
Churning in my belly
Comes in a rush. Not now!
Eyes turning to tele

Next, next

I feel naked, filled with dread
I'm told to raise my hands
As they watch me gleaming bright
In the beam, showing under-glands

Next, next

Gee, I really would have liked
It very much to end duress
Maybe, I heard, should smile
And cower, perhaps undress

But, next, next

Oh, it was just like magic
My thigh-hidden junk got small
But that touch would be crime
I hated feeling barren ball

Next, next

And since then each queue line
In post office or store
Seems to raise my alarms
To whisper "Just once more"

Next, next

Now I always will recall
The baggage truck, the flying tags
The sere attendant who rapped
With passion as he skewered bags

Next, next

I swear on the good book
In my briefcase. "Ya wanna read, huh?"
It is his ugly voice
That I forever hear

Next, next

That voice that winks at frisking
Of corpses still in bud
Sits still this boist'rous nation
Until their "hick" voices flood

Next, next

And when I am not screaming
In a voice grown dry and hollow
I dream of endless naked lines
Of the following and the followed

Next, next

One day I'll cut my wings off
And spurn high flying, drive
Anything, I'll do anything
To give up airlines and survive

Not ever to be next

Not ever to be next!
I reordered the original stanzas as follows: 3, 2, 1, 10, 4, 5, 9, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 1.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   0

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Barry J. Mitchel - November 23, 2010 - Report this comment
I'm disappointed that the first 20 viewers didn't vote or comment. Maybe TOS is not well-known. I felt that its incessant tango background (1,2,3,4&1,2,3,4& ...) was compelling when I saw the stage production 45 years ago. To extend Dinah Shore's commercial song, "America is asking you to crawl." Fellow travelers, resist!

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