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Song Parodies -> "I'm Henry Louis Gates, I Am"

Original Song Title:

"I'm Henry, The Eighth, I Am"

Original Performer:

Herman's Hermits

Parody Song Title:

"I'm Henry Louis Gates, I Am"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Can't believe TT didn't think of this idea the minute the name first came into the news -- especially since he riffed this very same OS less than 2 1/2 years ago.

Pacing note, if you DKTOS: This old British drinking song puts three syllables into "Henry", as in "Henery" -- hence, eight syllables in the first (and corresponding) lines of both OS and parody, using the American pronunciation for Prof. Gates' first name. Reverted to the en-BR for the ending, to match TOS. So grab a pint, join our British friends, and SING ALONG to the original, live video, introduced by Ed Sullivan!

I'm Henry Louis Gates, I am
Henry Irritates, I am, I am
I got spotted breaking down my front door
Dropped my keys and left them on the floor
Some racist cop asks "Identity?" (ID, see?)
They oughta' know just who-TF I am (Go cram!)
So a race war fanned, incend'ary
Henry Louis Gates, I am

Second verse, worse than the first:

I'm President of USA
Come and have a beer with me some day
I yelled, "Stupid" to policeman's good job
All Blacks oughta' be al-lowed to rob
'Cause ev'ryone of them's innocent (Innocent!)
Not one deserves to be locked up in slam (No, Ma'am!)
Cops: harassing, racist enemy
Members, all, of Ku Klux Klan

[(Highly non-)Musical interlude: Not diatonic, but chthonic inchoate chaos minus cogency; dissonant sonic bytes (my arse)]

I'm Tommy T. from USA
"Please protect my home, Police", I say
I don't care about your color or race
I just want to live in nice, safe place
Here's what I say to the rest of you: (All of you!)
Just either bring your key or your ID (D'oh, me!)
I am sick of racial venery [1]
Henry Gates, just shut your clam!

B. O.: Now know why:
Henery (Henery!)
Henery (Henery!)
Most of us don't give a damn: your scam
Most of us don't give a damn!

[1] "venery" (Archaic meaning, unrelated to modern [sexual] connotation)
"The act or sport of hunting; the chase" ... i. e., "I'm sick of this business of hunting for racial trouble everywhere."

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   17

User Comments

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Patrick - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Gates should be thankful to live in a neighborhood where the police do respond to break-in reports the same day they're called in. The cop obviously works nights, doesn't watch PBS, and therefore might not know Mr Gates by sight. But if Obama could bring Gates and Officer Crowley together, maybe he can reconcile Israel and the Palestinians. I can picture President Obama inviting Khaled Meshal and Benjamin Netanyahu to the White House for a beer, and maybe a pig roast.
Andria - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Good one, TT, and I would personally try to reconcile Israel and the Palestinians if I were Obama, but without the pig roast. I would also try to act more like an ordinary American president rather than a socialist if I were him. 5s.
Mark Scotti - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
TT, you are right on the money(as usual)! Absolutely hilarious and scathingly true. Now, here's a quick assignment. Let's see how fast you can come up with a "Gee Officer Crowley" (To Gee Officer Krupkee) parody! Fives right now, and (hopfully) fives to follow...
Old Man Ribber - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Great take on the "Gates of Hell" ;D
Vera Similitude (aka: Fiddlegirl) - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Laughing myself silly, for evident reasons apart from your parody brilliance

@Patrick and Mark: Hahahaha!!!!
AFW - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Fine spoof of a political good
AFW - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Oops, make that goof...
Jason - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
John Barry - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Damn! Why didn't I think of this title?
Guy - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Hey TT - keep pushin' the envelope. It's time to wake up people! The name fits since he really WAS a gate crasher.
Christie Marie M - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Great tribute to HL Gates! I am always against racial issues and racial slurs. This may be off topic, but I knew someone from high school who got expelled for making racial remarks and using racial slurs. Works well with the OS! 5's!
Andy Primus - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Hilarious stab at the prof (which is about what he deserves by the sound of it) but I was surprised to read that Obama thinks the New Zealand rugby team should be allowed to rob!
TJC - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Lexcellent! This guy you've so completely skewered, you could open yer own kiosk selling Shish kaGates with BobaGadouche on the side! Thanks too, for the vocab lesson! And LOL FG's nick!
Tommy Turtle - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Patrick: I wouldn't know Gates by sight.... and we're not sure if there's a permanent truce here, much less complete understanding. Funny comment, though -- thanks!

Andria: Unfortunately, most "ordinary American presidents" have been adding in socialism, in varying amounts, since 1913. BTW, assume both Patrick and you know that pork is unclean to Muslims, too -- more evidence of how much heritage all Middle Eastern peoples share. Thanks for v/c.

Mark Scotti: *Brilliant* inspiration! Butt... already working on a "major" project that I hope to complete in the next couple of days ... and having already done Krupke , I know what a beeyatch it is to do. You could do it, Mark, and darn well! .... thanks for v/c!

Old Man Ribber: LOL!

Vera: (didja think the aka was necessary for the pea brain?) I Get A Kick Out Of You, too...

I get no kick from jokes plain
Watching some guy as he tries to be wry is my idea of "1" or a "2"
But I get a kick out of you.

Nice quick nick pick trick (except it kept reminding me of a baby-feeding formula for some reason), and thanks for the generous description. Now tell everyone that we did *not* plan this! :)

AFW: Make that "thanks"!

Jason: Thanks!

John Barry: I dunno, maybe too busy with The Three Hundred movie sequel? ... or Screamin' Jay put a spell on you? ... kicking myself for not seeing it sooner (although politely waiting for FG to find it made for a funny day), so I'm with ya, Bro.

Guy: TT is so far outside the envelope, he can't even see the stamp anymore, but thanks for the v/c!

Christie Marie M: Not sure if "tribute" is the right word LOL! ... but yeah, the whole idea was for us all to be color-blind; instead, the Gov forces us to see race (quotas, etc.), and certain people make a living from it. Thanks for v/c!

Andy Primus: The Pittsburgh (Pennsylvania, USA) Steelers (American) football club is known for their black uniforms, but did the Kiwis actually take that as the team name? Any idea why? Thanks for v/c.

TJC: Not sure the aroma would be that appealing, but lol at the side dish your sense of hummus! My fava-rite commenter? .... And yes, I do believe we have a new pledge in the "A rose by any other name is a lot funnier" club!
Andy Primus - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
I should have known that would go over your head because I don't think you have rugby in the US. Do you? The All Blacks are the NZ national team, they've been playing for just over 100 years & most of their line-ups would be considered the best team in the world of their time. They have played 443 international matches and won 330 of them - 75% win average. How many teams in any sport could claim that?
Andy Primus - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
PS if you've never seen it, give it a go. It's similar to your American football but not so stop starty
Timmy1000 - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Good point, TT. Using a ridiculous song for this stupidity was well selected. Why did this escalate at all. If it was my house, I would be grateful they were checking. Good to know my tax dollars are buying those folks beers.
TT - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Andy: Hardly any rugby here, perhaps at an Ivy League college or two; saw a bit on the telly once. Amazing record, to be sure ... but if you'll pardon my repetition, where did they come up with that name? Is it true?

Timmy1000: My house, too. -- but the Prof. wasn't smart enough to think of that? Thanks for v/c.
alvin - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
lol...great bit o' bashin'
John Jenkins - August 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Thank you for educating us about venery. In your first verse, "what TV (what the venery)" might have been a good substitute for "what TF." It is somewhat surprising that on AmiRight, which seemed like such an overwhelmingly liberal web site just 6 months ago, no one is coming out and defending the President.
Andy Primus - August 04, 2009 - Report this comment
I didn't answer that bit because I'm not 100% sure. I've always thought it was because they wear black top/shorts/socks but according to Wiki it's because a 1905 London paper wanted to say that they played as if they were all backs (the lighter players with the speed as opposed to the forwards who are the bulls) but it was mis-typed as all blacks and the name stuck.
Tommy Turtle - August 04, 2009 - Report this comment
alvin, thanks!

Andy, interesting -- funny how even mistakes stick around and become permanent. -- like in politics lol.

John Jenkins: I know that crude language is not to your taste, but apparently, some unprofessorial language was used by this eminent scholar, hurling insults, curses, whatever, at the police. Exactly *what* he said has been Orwellianly suppressed, by the media and probably by his superiors, on order from much higher up. But I wanted to convey his apparent mood and actions in the parody; hence, the crudeness.

I too have noticed, and commented elsewhere, the dramatic shift here, which has been far-Left since I arrived 3+ years ago. Not just in failing to defend the Pres (what's to defend?), but in not writing pro-O parodies with the same vociferousness and volume that they wrote anti-W parodies. I would guess that the reality check that some of us predicted has finally set in, and the disillusioned realize that he can't walk on water, he's backtracked on his promises (upholding the firing of the military's Arab translator for privately being gay, not disavowing the illegal wiretaps, etc.), and he hasn't any solutions, magic or otherwise. Heck, he promised health care magic, but it turned out he didn't even have a plan of his own to propose -- just asked Congress to do it. Anyone could have done that. ... So yes, it's nice that the screaming from the Left has quieted, but bad for the country that they've all been "had" by the image without substance.

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