Get me a-nother Mountain Dew, this morning
Have three more ‘fore I go to work today
Some people brew a cup of hot tea with honey,
I can't function un-less I have four cans in me

Most people brew some coffee every morning,
It always burns, it’s bitter...hate the taste!
Guess I’ll just drink some Baja Blast this morning,
That coffee stuff don’t wake me, anyway

I won’t give that Red Bull any money,
And that Rockstar...oh man, it’s such a waste.
If I could, you’d know that I’d marry it, ‘cause I just don’t drink it
I fill my tub, bathe in it everyday.

My doctor heard about how much I’m drinking
He said "Well son, you must stop right away.”
Man, I was bummed; I’d brought a funnel with me...
And then I stormed out, “I’ll do this clyster* my way!”

“You’re obsessed with that Mountain Dew…” wife tells me
“Got ‘Code Red’ as a dumb tattoo today.
We’re moving out! Either Mountain Dew or family!”
“You know this beverage never yells at me!
So I’ll pick this golden drink to stay with me,
And even though I haven’t slept since May...
You can’t remove this smile off of my face!”