How to spend my money, how to spend my last bit of dough.
All the flicks that are playing are clones, except you, uh, know.

Gonna pass on "Brokeback Mountain',
On the chance I might see, I don't know – oh – oh.
Maybe something bad, on the creepy side,
It's two guys, it's two guys – I can't go – oh – oh.

In a tent, in a tent!
From the way it sounds, I'd need Polident.
Listen to me really, spare me things
That rock my soul.

People gonna rake me, think me pretty silly.
Think me pretty silly, and a ho-mo-phobe.
It's unfair to judge me, one movie's all you know;
Maybe, maybe it's the cowboy thing, that makes me not go.

Going? No. Going? No. For the thousandth time it's a big N-O.
Listen to the words and watch the lips, it's no-oh-oh.

Gonna watch "Brokeback Mountain",
On a big-screen TV, on H.B.O.
Need no alibi, like at the theatre;
No one sees you watch, they won't know-oh-oh.

There you go, there you go, I said I'd watch, but so you know,
If and when the tent scene come along, my eyes will close.