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Song Parodies -> "The Man Who Took The Rifleman's Rifle"

Original Song Title:

"The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance"

Original Performer:

Gene Pitney

Parody Song Title:

"The Man Who Took The Rifleman's Rifle"

Parody Written by:

Patrick McWilliams

The Lyrics

I grew up in the golden age of TV westerns. Each week I would watch as Chuck Connors, in the role of Lucas McCain, The Rifleman, fired off a volley of shots from his trick-lever rifle and I'd dream of the look-alike Mattel cap gun I wanted for Christmas. On the other side of the world, a young Kenyan lad watched the same show and formed some dreams of his own.
When Lucas McCain would come to town the folks would run inside. Outside,
When Lucas McCain would stroll around, the fear was justified
'cause a Winchester gun was the sort of fun that Lucas McCain enjoyed
When he started shooting up the street, people got annoyed

From out of the East, Obama came, a ballpoint in his hand. Hot damn!*
A liberal man who was hell bent to see that guns were banned
Constitutional law, just a minor flaw, suggestion and nothing more
The Amendment: "Right to Keep and Bear", Barry would ignore

Many a man would take a hit, and many a gal would fall
The man who took Lucas's rifle
He'd take Rifleman's rifle
Might have the chance to save them all

The love of a gun can sometimes cause a man to lose his head. He said,
"They'll only remove this gun of mine from fingers cold and dead
For the wrath of the Lord in my gun is stored, it's more than just steel and wood
When the final showdown comes to pass, a golf club is no good"

Alone at his desk Obama sat and hoped election night. Oh that night!
He couldn't promote sufficient votes to overturn the right
From the moment the polls started rolling in, seems Barry Hussein had known
When each house said "No!" to his agenda, he'd act on his own

Everyone heard Obama shout, "Just put it down over here!"
Obama took Lucas's rifle
He took Rifleman's rifle
The townfolk raised a mighty cheer

Obama took Lucas's rifle
He took Rifleman's rifle
Then they sat down and had a beer**
*Paraphrase of Reverend Jeremiah Wright. **When Professor Henry Louis Gates got into a dispute with Cambridge, Mass police officer, Sgt James Crowley, President Obama invited the two men to the White House to settle their differences over a beer.

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Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Sam Bonis - November 12, 2014 - Report this comment
This will be my inspirational reading every time a troubled kid takes a semi-automatic from his dad's Second Amendment collection, murders his schoolmates, and then puts a bullet in his head. That's what I call a well-regulated militia.
Barry J. Mitchel - November 12, 2014 - Report this comment
I like the simile that Obama holds a gun to Congress. But is it really loaded with executive authority? I smiled at "a golf club is no good" and reference to the late NRA president's fingers. Let's drink to Amendment 2, Patrick!
Rob Arndt - November 12, 2014 - Report this comment
Patrick, 555 for a provocative yet funny parody and to the moron with the kid gun murder problem- only a finger can pull a trigger. When will left-leaning liberal cry babies face the fact that gun ownership in America is a right and that when tragedies with firearms happen, hold the kid and parents, or psychos, felons, etc... ACCOUNTABLE, not the type of firearm used!!! Sporters and auto pistols may be a scourge to police and on occasion to society, but banning them only enables criminals to benefit. Besides, using US gun history would you feel more comfortable if a kid grabbed a wheel gun, hunting rifle, or shotgun to commit the same crime? Hell, people are still killing people using knives, baseball bats and other blunt force objects... and increasingly with cars as in Israel. Get a grip, pal. Law-abiding citizens have a legal right to protect themselves.
Patrick - November 12, 2014 - Report this comment
The public authorities are loath to detain or incarcerate people who show themselves to be mentally unbalanced. There were a lot of horror stories of people being abused in state run asylums, so most of those institutions were closed, putting people on the streets who can't function in civilized society. Doctors often treat mental illness with drugs, some of which can cause violent reactions. The fear of violent offenders causes people who are not gun enthusiasts to arm themselves. The fear that the government might impose additional restrictions impels the gun enthusiasts to buy more. It's a vicious circle, and getting more vicious by the day. A police officer shoots a menacing young Black man in Ferguson, Missouri and the town is ready to go to war. Two six-year old Black girls were killed, presumably by Black criminals, just this month in Kansas City, and there doesn't seem to be much of a reaction. The people who want to punish people for owning guns, because those guns might be used for violence, are often the same people who rush to prevent the just punishment of those who actually commit violence. Pass a death penalty law, and society, that is, the government, will spend more to house, feed, care for a murderer, then pay for lawyers to prevent the death penalty from being imposed, than it will ever bestow on an innocent victim of misfortune. The whole system is warped and scary. Almost makes me want to buy another gun.

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