Lemme tell ya 'bout a dancer, Buddy Ebsen was his name.
He became a comic actor, and that's how he got his fame.
He was rakin' in the dough out in the Hills of Beverly.
Then he got himself a badge, became a cop named Barnaby.

Jones, that is. Old man. Trackin' crooks.

William Shatner was a big man in the role of James T. Kirk
but when "Star Trek" got the axe he had to find some other work.
He was Captain of a starship with the name of Enterprise
but he signed up as a Sergeant goin' after L.A. guys.

Skells, that is. Hooker. T.J.

Ronnie Howard was a fishin' kid down Carolina way
where his Dad was Sheriff Andy, taught his kid right every day.
But before he directed, even before he was bald
in Milwaukee in the Fifties, he hung out there at Arnold's.

Days, that is. Happy ones. With the Fonz.

Betty White was a homemaker who sorta slept around
'til the day that Mary Tyler Moore shut the program down.
She made some guest appearances on hubby's game shows
'til she found another gig as a Golden Girl named Rose.

Nylund, that is. Real dumb. St. Olaf.

Howard Hesseman was a deejay on the Cincy radio
then it was off to Brooklyn, do some teachin', don't you know.
He knew he ran the risk of teaching Sweathogs smokin' grass
so he signed up for the brainiacs who were Head of the Class.

Nerds, that is. Academia nuts. New York's new dorks.

Craig T. Nelson was a football coach at Minnesota State
and he led 'em to a title, Screaming Eagles sure were great.
But going to the NFL made him jump the shark
so a police chief in Washington is how he makes his mark.

Cop, that is. In charge. The District.

Y'all tune in now, y'hear?