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Song Parodies -> "The Ballad of Second Roles"

Original Song Title:

"The Ballad of Jed Clampett"

Original Performer:

Flatt & Scruggs

Parody Song Title:

"The Ballad of Second Roles"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I know there's only three verses to the original, but it was either make it longer or write a sequel.
Lemme tell ya 'bout a dancer, Buddy Ebsen was his name.
He became a comic actor, and that's how he got his fame.
He was rakin' in the dough out in the Hills of Beverly.
Then he got himself a badge, became a cop named Barnaby.

Jones, that is. Old man. Trackin' crooks.

William Shatner was a big man in the role of James T. Kirk
but when "Star Trek" got the axe he had to find some other work.
He was Captain of a starship with the name of Enterprise
but he signed up as a Sergeant goin' after L.A. guys.

Skells, that is. Hooker. T.J.

Ronnie Howard was a fishin' kid down Carolina way
where his Dad was Sheriff Andy, taught his kid right every day.
But before he directed, even before he was bald
in Milwaukee in the Fifties, he hung out there at Arnold's.

Days, that is. Happy ones. With the Fonz.

Betty White was a homemaker who sorta slept around
'til the day that Mary Tyler Moore shut the program down.
She made some guest appearances on hubby's game shows
'til she found another gig as a Golden Girl named Rose.

Nylund, that is. Real dumb. St. Olaf.

Howard Hesseman was a deejay on the Cincy radio
then it was off to Brooklyn, do some teachin', don't you know.
He knew he ran the risk of teaching Sweathogs smokin' grass
so he signed up for the brainiacs who were Head of the Class.

Nerds, that is. Academia nuts. New York's new dorks.

Craig T. Nelson was a football coach at Minnesota State
and he led 'em to a title, Screaming Eagles sure were great.
But going to the NFL made him jump the shark
so a police chief in Washington is how he makes his mark.

Cop, that is. In charge. The District.

Y'all tune in now, y'hear?

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

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Royce Miller - April 19, 2004 - Report this comment
fine work, Michael
Rod Worden - April 19, 2004 - Report this comment
I agree, well done, Michael. 5s!
Tim Hall - April 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job. Another second role actor that came to mind was David Janssen, who was Dr. Richard Kimble on the Fugitive and later starred in Harry-O in the 1970's
Agrimorfee - April 19, 2004 - Report this comment
For me, Craig T. will be almost as memorable as the hapless Dad in Poltergeist (1 & 2). 555
Claude Prez - April 19, 2004 - Report this comment
What, no Larry Hagman verse? Fun stuff Michael.
Meriadocsen - April 21, 2004 - Report this comment
You get fives from me just for mentioning St. Olaf! ;-D
Michael Pacholek - April 22, 2004 - Report this comment
I considered Janssen, Tim, but I've only seen a couple of episodes of "The Fugitive" -- the pilot and the two-part finale, rebroadcast on NBC a few years back to dovetail with the Harrison Ford movie version -- and I've never seen "Harry O." Larry Hagman? What has he done since "Dallas"? That show has been as much of a curse on its stars as "Seinfeld." Linda Gray, Victoria Principal, Ken Kercheval, Charlene Tilton, Steve Kanaly, the Landers sisters? What have they done? What did Patrick Duffy do to deserve "Step By Step"? And what about the kid who played John Ross Ewing III, Omri Katz? Remember "Eerie, Indiana"? No? Lucky you. Rest in peace, Jim Davis (J.R. "Jock" Ewing Sr.), maybe the best death-as-career-move since Elvis.

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