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Song Parodies -> "Algorithm Maker"

Original Song Title:

"Matchmaker, Matchmaker"

Original Performer:

Fiddler on the Roof soundtrack

Parody Song Title:

"Algorithm Maker"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Algorithm maker, make me a match:
pick guy from cybernetic batch.
Algorithm, take a digital look
and find me a perfect catch.

Algorithm maker, please do not fail
to find a dude, who’s not from jail
and committed a major felony.
Such a person’s not for me.

I’d rather he’d be a scholar—
don’t wanna guy who has done vexed things.
Don’t, please, find someone whose choler
has prompted him to do many neck wrings!

Algorithm maker, make me a match—
don’t find one from the booby hatch
or one who will come and ransack my home
or harass me on my cell phone.

The coding, the coding
will make the match, it’s true.
Although you’re a schmuck,
I’m relying on you.
Could anything go wrong, in your view?

You assure me I’ll be happy
with the find that I’ve got.
“Forget HAL and all that—
it’s just a movie plot.”

But I have found this,
by algorithms applied:
I did a Web trawl
and took a look inside
of this word, and then I got a fright.

First, I’ll provide the website;
click button, left or right,
then take a look at this sight;
it makes me uptight!

I see: álgos does evince
pain. Concerned, I do a scan
of algorithm’s etymological background,
and that calms my brainpan.

Algorithm maker says that it’s time—
the find’s a guy who’s in his “prime”
(the find’s a guy, loves numbers prime).
Algorithm maker, why does this man
look like a schmuck that I should spurn?
Making of matches has caused me to learn
that this ain’t my thing
Zoom I from doom
I come to find
that the made match
is you? But me you won’t catch!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Leough - March 30, 2016 - Report this comment
And here I thought that word referred to a former VP's birth control method.
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - March 30, 2016 - Report this comment
Algorithm is a word whose use outside of math I have always detested; although you have made a valiant attempt, it is basically not singable. But I can't tell what these lyrics are about. Not rated.
Rob Arndt - March 30, 2016 - Report this comment
This doesn't add up... wait a sec, it does! 555!!!
Jonathan - March 30, 2016 - Report this comment
let the Algorithm take you away! 5's
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - March 30, 2016 - Report this comment
OK. I looked at it again. Oy! I guess I can concede that it's an update of the original to the computer-dating age. Strange al-gor-ith-(U)m, in which you accent the syllable of the word which has a phantom vowel. Ultra-bizarre accentuation of CYBERnetic also needed, and then you CAN sing it. Did anyone else get that? Scored as 3x (2^0.5), 2(pi), 4. Please don't do one on the word PARADIGM.

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