A very old flick came on today.
After it's televised, it gave renown
To a man who's slightly round,
And "Marty"'s the name
That gave Borgnine fame.

I watched and watched, and it was OK.
Channel changed, and I saw long blonde hair:
Tippi Hedren's skin is very fair.
But "Marnie"'s the name
Of a Hitch that's lame.

So I whiled away time, channels turnin'.
I had several shots of real good rye
Most channels churnin' dreck that I was spurnin'.
I hit "The View" and I started to cry.

No need to grieve. . .next came my way,
A girl who's just as sweet as she can be,
As I watched, she purred to me.
And "Margie"'s the name
Of this film with [Jeanne] Crain.

Ending time came, and then I was squirmin';
I needed another flick to catch my eye.
I went fast past those charnel "Idol" vermin. . .
Found a flick. . .poured another shot of rye.

No need to grieve--there's Sissy Spa',
A girl who had advanced beyond "Carrie,"
To roles of maturity.
And "Marie"'s the name. . .got 3-star acclaim.

And Michters, the name of redeye I drain.