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Song Parodies -> "Love Clothes (But Not Any of Those)"

Original Song Title:

"Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)"

Original Performer:

Edison Lighthouse

Parody Song Title:

"Love Clothes (But Not Any of Those)"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Presenting (a day late, sorry, but the show ended after midnight again) the 8th Annual Bjork Awards for the worst in Oscar Fashion. I didn't see a lot of bad ones this time, but the ones that were really stood out. It's a shame: Zoe Saldana (New Jersey's own) looked spectacular from the waist up. But from the waist down, seriously, how many purple chinchillas had to die to make that dress? And why (this one didn't quite make the cut) did Sarah Jessica Parker wear one of those gowns that looks like a maternity dress even on someone who's as skinny as a rail? And don't get me started on Ben Stiller's "Avatar"-themed getup, but at least that was funny on purpose.
(instrumental opening)

She looks good, she'll thrill ya
but Zoe, those chinchillas!
There's purple ones around your feet!

You might love clothes
but not any of those
and nobody groans like me.

See that Charlize Theron
she knows why we were starin':
Those petals on the mammary!

You might love clothes
but not any of those
and nobody groans like me.

There's something about those ruffles I saw
on Vera Farmiga
and I just gotta say, Hey!
They looked just like a magenta shell
and they just liked like hell
and I must look away!

Amanda Seyfried, see ya
looks like from "Mamma Mia!"
you kept dress of matrimony.

You might love clothes
but not any of those
and nobody groans like me!

There's something about those dresses I find
that they're really a grind
and I just gotta say, Hey!
Don't care if it's designed by Chanel!
It ain't working so well
and I must look away!

Miley's seventeen and
too young for all that preenin'.
A "Michael Douglas fantasy"?

You might love clothes
but not any of those
and nobody groans
like me!

I'll keep whining
at the crap they're designing.
And nobody groans
like me!

It's upsettin'.
You'll never forget 'em.
And nobody groans
like me!

(instrumental fadeout)
Miley Cyrus becomes my first ever "three-time loser," and she doesn't even turn 18 until this November. But while she's ahead on quantity, on "quality" she still has a ways to go to surpass such "legends" as Cher and Hilary Swank. But, as always, I have to be fair and cite some good ones: A very nice comeback by two-time zap-ee Helen Mirren. Sandra Bullock looked fantastic. So did "Up in the Air" newcomer Anna Kendrick. So did Penelope Cruz. (Do I love her, or do I just love saying, "Penelope Cruz"? Both, I think. Alas, I had no Zeta-Jones sighting... but that means no Douglas sighting, either. Note the question mark on the idea that Mr. Cradle Robber might be interested in Billy Ray's little girl. No matter how much his "art" might imitate his life with all those far younger co-stars, I'm not so desperate to see Catherine that I'm willing to get sued by her old man!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 3.4
Overall Rating: 3.4

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   9
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   13

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Well, I liked it! Do you think the bomber might be the ghost of Mr. Blackwell? Seriously, dishonor the spirit of this room when you pull that "one" routine! Nicely done, Michael. ;D
TJC - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
The Rivers-esque uber-harsh fashion police may be on yer arse but that was an Oscar-worthy production none-the-less... *so* glad you nixed the accompanying interpretive dance!
(and ditto OMR's sentiments re 'One-ton-unfair-o')
2Eagle - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
And the fives go to..........................Michael pacholek for best fashion commentary and parody. By the way, where was Angie? She always wears something fabulous.
Phil Nelson - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Yeah I don't know why they like some of these clothes. Anyway, 5's
masonr - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Great job here with one of my favorite OS's and one of the first that I ever parodied here. I love what you did to the chorus! (What's up with the 1 bombs?) 555's from me!
Sidney Crosby - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Why are you hating me on blog?
Warren Baker - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
I'm really baffled by the 1's. I can't see their logic, because you've obviously hit a bullseye with the wit on this one. Here are some 5's to compensate your fashion plate.
AFW - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Fun with the red carpet
Michael Pacholek - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks, everyone. I checked the tabloid-TV shows to see if they agreed with me, and many did. OMB: If Mr. Blackwell were still with us, I'd be willing to debate him on this. 2Eagle: If by "Angie" you mean Jolie, I think I did see her, but her dress must not have been all that memorable, which is hard to believe, because, well, she was in it. "Sidney": You're a diving little punk, and that's what you were before you scored that goal. You might be the best player in the game, who just scored one of the biggest goals ever, but on this side of the border, you are loathed (except in Pittsburgh), to the point where most Americans prefer a homely Russian in Washington (Alexander Ovechkin) to you. And for those of you who don't follow hockey, don't worry about it: I suspect this commenter is actually the same guy who's made a few dimwitted anti-Yankee comments on my parodies. Lamer than ever since last November 4.
Meriadoc - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Hey Pach! Check your Facebook invites.. :-)

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