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Song Parodies -> "I Only Want To Be With Ewe"

Original Song Title:

"I Only Want To Be With You"

Original Performer:

Dusty Springfield

Parody Song Title:

"I Only Want To Be With Ewe"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

The author, after long introspection, tries to explain his predilection.... OS video here.

I don't know what it is that makes me love ewes so
"Meat market" dating? "Mutton" gets me "whet" below
'Cause ewes have a fun thing, to make me grin
No K-Y™ needed; own supply of lan-o-lin
No human girl will do
I only want to be with ewe

It doesn't matter: Scotland, Wales, or Ida-ho [1]
New Zealand? 'Cross Pacific, I would gladly go
'Cause look how I'm snappin', to feel such bliss
I never grew such high wood: me and lovely Miss
I'm crazy? 'Haps it's true
I'm bony when I see a ewe

Ewe shtupped, and smilin': me
Baskin' is my hairy lance
Eyes swell glintin' at open farms
This guy: giddy; standin' shvantz

My jism's runny!

I just want to be sheep-ridin' everywhere
So long to fear of Heather-mony; sheep: no fare [2] [3]
'Cause ewes are the one thing: in "pants", for free
For ev'rything I get, no "Dad", nor gold from me
Though "cat" or two will do
I moan and grunt and sheeply woo

[interlewed -- chorus of "Baahs", mostly from women at TT's approaches. From now on, no more rejection!]

Oh, oh, goo splopped, a mile, whoo-ee!
Nasty do I stare and glance
Mach schnell into those ovine charms [4]
"One-eye" slid in; randy dance

My "deer", my honey!

I just want to be inside their woolly lair
Not longing: schlong, for nether: Mary's derrière
My new target bun thing: her little lamb
Forever: fav'rite pet, this cad will boldly "ram"
No Pat or Dot or Sue
A lonely wait for "sí" from you! [5]

I'm fed up: clatter of chattering: adieu!
I only want it: me and ewe!

[1] No, ewe da' ho!

[2] "Heather-mony" (also, "Heather-money") = alimony paid to Heather Mills, or any of her ilk (elk are better, too).
Sorry, but best match TT could come up with for "So long as we're together, honey, I don't care" (ducks back into shell).

[3] Which is much more "fair" than [2] ;)

[4] "Mach schnell!" (German) = "Shake a leg! (or shake whatever), i. e. "Quickly!"

[5] "sí" (Spanish) = "yes"

Hey, John Barry got his goat(s), so ...

"K-Y" brand ® McNEIL-PPC, Inc. All else © 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

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John Barry - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
No ewephemisms here. A dam fine parody.
Guy - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
TT - What can I say but EEEEEE-we.This parody lends a whole new meaning to the term "Sheep Skin". Fork ewe and dodge ram. You missed a footnote to explain the term "shvantz". It's German and I know what it means. But somehow I think the average reader will glean the meaning. Fine write TT - I chuckled more than a few times. So you may have never gotten your sheep skin but I bet you managed to dip under a few. Roger Ram-Jet and out.
Fiddlegirl - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Where there's a wool, there's a way... ;) 555, and an extra giggle at footnote #1!
WarrenB - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
"Disturbing, yet nicely served with gravy and a sprig of mint," he said sheepishly. Can't wait to see this on EweTube!
Christie Marie M - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Ewe wrote another ewephoric satire! Enjoyed this lots! Bleating ya 5's!
Tommy Turtle - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
John Barry: Meant to add in comment to your goat parody, "I love my wife, but oh, you kid!" .. thanks for v/c.

Guy: I could be mistaken, but I think it's actually Yiddish, though not an authority on that subject. ... It's been used here quite a lot lately while you were gone, e. g. (PLUG ALERT)
Thanks for v/c.

Fiddlegirl: LOL, and thanks for the rare giggle @ a fooTnoTe ;-)

Warren Baker: Well, Gewegle owns them, and there was just a decision in the lawsuit from Viacom, though it'll be appealed for decades.. . Will have to talk to TJC about posting it, as he did another TT song at the Tube. Thanks for v/c.

Christie Marie M: And bleating thanks back at ya!
Guy - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
TT - I did not know that "shvantz". became hip to use on the site. Actually I learned that word in Germany circa 1985, when it was called West Germany. But - it does seem to sound very Yiddish. I was told that it actually meant a caudal appendage but for slang it scanned as another kind of appendage. Anyway you capitalized on the words use in your parody.
TT @ Guy - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
My understanding is that Yiddish is actually a mixture of German and Hebrew, spoken by Jews in the German-speaking regions, sort of their local accent on German, or a German accent on Hebrew. Kind of like Spanglish -- which I'm *sure* you're familiar with: :)

          In German slang, as used in Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstein", the word used by the supposedly-German Madeline Kahn was "Schwannestűcke" literally translating to "pregnant piece", i. e., the thing that made one pregnant. It's only a short hop from there to shorten it to "Schwants" ,or "shvantz" in the Yiddish transliteration (always a problem when dealing with non-Latinic alphabets, no?)

Isn't parody linguistically educational? :-)
TT @ McKludge, if you see this - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Was going to add the following to my reply to your comment @ "BP" on Tuesday, but didn't know if you'd look at responses, as I was tied up until quite late at night before replying.

So, putting this here and hoping you show up: Tired of the inland heat and humidity yet? The ocean breezes are still very pleasant and almost cool in the evenings, so if you ever want to drop by one night for that beer that was discussed three months ago....
Guy Back @ TT - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
I am familiar with "Spanglish" but round these parts it is called Tex-Mex. I think the word stűcke litterly means piece. I remember some Germans passing each other and two of them had cameras. One German thinking that his camera was superior to the other German's camera was heard to say "scheisse stűcke" as he eyed the other's camera. I immediatly scanned the translation to mean "piece of sh*t".

And yes I totally agree with you that parody writing is linguistically educational, but so is visiting foreign lands.
AFW - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Shame on you,TT, keeping all those poor sheep up at night jumping over your "Woody" rail...and performing your naughty insomni-acts....Good to see you're still pulling the wool over, and letting us in voyeur in. Lotta' great lines in your parody, here, me Bucko..
TJC - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
This is one of those parodies where every, um, 'frickin'' line is perfectly formed--a master melding of erudition n' sedewesion. Deceptively simple with nothing extraneous, nothing left out (heh!)--nothing to chance. Bravo TT! Not many can make Dusty spin in her grave, and no one but ewe achieves the full thirty-three and a third RPM! [PS: Although TMGLTM, your 'Lanolin' line brought me to a shuddering chortle...]
adagio - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Tommy Turtle - June 24, 2010 - Report this comment
AFW: tt duly ashamed (hangs head low, slumps away) .... Seriously, thanks for v/c,

TJC: I think it came out on 45 RPM first ... but who's looking a gift horse-compliment in the mouth? ;) ... Thanks for citing the fave line, and it's a good thing that there are so many songs here that no one noticed that it was a re-use from "A Shepherd Am I" :-) ... Thanks for hyperbewelic comment!

adagio: I DK that emoticon; explain, please? (looks like open-mouthed shock, I guess) .. and for the record (see "TJC" as to RPMs), unlike in "Scratches", rest assured that there was *no* personal reference in the penultimate line of the ultimate full stanza. TOS line is:

No matter what you do ..... so best matches to real-girl names were:
No Pat or Dot or Sue

Again, thanks (I think, you tell me) for the read and comment (and vote?)
seweweno - June 25, 2010 - Report this comment
can this be personal? giggle meter off the chart from me
Tommy Turtle - June 25, 2010 - Report this comment
seweweno: Only if you're really a sheep... or did you mean, "personal revelation of TT? ;-) naah, just an ongoing "niche", so to speak. :) Thanks for v/c.
EWEul Brynner - June 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Not only is parody writing linguistically educational, it tends to make one a cunning linguist.
Tommy The Tongued Turtle - June 26, 2010 - Report this comment
EWEul Brynner: I think it's a prerequisite. At least, this writer has always been one. ;) Thanks for the cliterary education!
Old Man Ribber - June 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Turtles and sheep! All is right with the world! ;D
Tommy Turtle - June 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Old Man Ribber: Indeed, a predictable and familiar universe is comforting, isn't it? ;-) Thanks for v/c!
Andy P - June 27, 2010 - Report this comment
Your hobby appears to be ewedaemonic (that's one I'd never heard of before looking at the eu's for the ewe sub) - I've also left a comment on your one from Friday (at the same time you was leaving your replies)
Tommy Turtle - June 27, 2010 - Report this comment
Andy P: Ewephoric, tewe. Thanks for v/c.
NEW LINK TO OS VIDEO - March 23, 2011 - Report this comment

Old one was taken down for copyvio.

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