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Song Parodies -> "I Only Want to Beam Up You"

Original Song Title:

"I Only Want to Be with You"

Original Performer:

Dusty Springfield

Parody Song Title:

"I Only Want to Beam Up You"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I don’t know what it is that makes folks, love this show,
Although I’m part of it, I must admit: it blows.
That dude started something,
And yet I do not get
The show’s longevity.
Not much for me to do—
I only want to beam up you.

I atomize your matter in a ray that’s blue
Then dispatch you; usually up you go to.
Your atoms are shattered, then just like this,
They’re rearranged; I always hit, I never miss.
Laziest in the crew,
I only want to beam up you.

I’m Scottish and I’m cheap;
I never buy new pairs of pants.
My shirt has got holes in the arms,
Which make Spock look askance.
My lips talk funny.

If I sit beside you, you had best beware—
A great cascade of dandruff flakes and unspared air
“Did you fart or something?!”
They question me.
It’s true from the hole I’d vented an SBD.
No gas masks have the crew;
I’d opened cans of beans. . .ate two.

“Oh, no.” rues Spock, “Illogically
Did you gust an air out of your pants.
It smells like methane cattle farms.”
Spock’s deadpan, gives no rants.
But there’s the yells crew:
“We don’t want to be beside you, have to share
That funky air; to pump it out was just unfair!
Oh, you farted something
Very nasty.
The scenting from that vent
Presages what’s messy!”

In fact, that might be true;
I hope a BM don’t ensue.
The dreaded matter that can splatter does ensue.
Nose-hold, they beam me out, the crew.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

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alvin - September 24, 2009 - Report this comment
nice combo of sci-fi and fart humor
Timmy1000 - September 24, 2009 - Report this comment
Always like the Star Trek parodies - this one certainly went to some strange new worlds; very funny.
Old Man Ribber - September 24, 2009 - Report this comment
Ceptan's the Klingon wessels! ;D
Jonathan - September 24, 2009 - Report this comment
Ha Ha I never liked Star Trek I'm more for Star Wars anywho I agree with alvin good combo of fart and sci-fi humor 555
Tommy Turtle - September 24, 2009 - Report this comment
I want to spend each moment of the day with you
Then dispatch you; usually up you go to

Had to give "usually" the full four syllables, which is "unusual", but OK. However, needed to stress us-U-al-ly to sing to OS, a bit awkward.

And asked me if I'd care to dance
Did you gust an air out of your pants ... too long. Leave out "an", and it's perfect.

"Then dispatch you; usually up you go to." Was "too" intended? Else, to where?

I DK this show's appeal, either (sorry, TJC!), but it seems to be a requirement for professional computer geeks (which TT is nott). Other than above nits, excellent send-up of its nebulous (haha!) appeal. Voting 4.6 - 5 - 5, but for some unfathomable reason, there aren't any decimals in the vote box, so it rounds to 555
Fiddlegirl - September 24, 2009 - Report this comment
Tricky Trek-ing!
Guy - September 24, 2009 - Report this comment
John - the BM was a bit much - here's your question - what did Spock see when he looked into Kirks toilet?

The Captain's log.

5 to beam up.
blackjack21 - September 24, 2009 - Report this comment
This one quickly took a malodorous turn, funny stuff.
Lionel Mertens - September 24, 2009 - Report this comment
Put me down for 5's.
Captain Pacholek - September 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Anybody who doesn't give this a 5 ought to get stuffed into a Jeffries Tube. (Nope, that's not off-color... just uncomfortable!)
MadameDeTokerVille - October 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir, you've been quite 'busy' Pirate Jack Barrow auxChimps

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