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Song Parodies -> "You’re A Mean Firm, Merrill Lynch"

Original Song Title:

"You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch"

Original Performer:

Dr. Seuss

Parody Song Title:

"You’re A Mean Firm, Merrill Lynch"

Parody Written by:

John Jenkins

The Lyrics

Three weeks ago, Stanley O’Neal was forced to step down as chairman and CEO of Merrill Lynch, one week after the firm revealed an $8 billion loss on risky investments in subprime mortgages. Will Mr. O’Neal be able to survive on a severance package totaling $160 million?
You’re a mean firm, Merrill Lynch,
You’re a callous bunch of chumps.
Just because I drove your stock price down,
Out the door you kicked my rump,
Merrill Lynch.

Just like a smelly camel,
You’re no heart and all hump.

Where’s my sev’rance, Merrill Lynch?
Is that all you could give?
I might have to sell a yacht.
How am I supposed to live,
Merrill Lynch?

I just lost 8 billion dollars;
Is that too much to forgive?

Double crossing, Merrill Lynch,
Is what you have done to me.
You are just as touchy-feely
As the Russian KGB,
Merrill Lynch.

And choosing to work for just one of you,
I would now pick the KGB.

I am depressed, Merrill Lynch.
I don’t see how I’ll get on.
I thought I was the boardroom king,
But you made me your pawn,
Merrill Lynch.

The three words that best describe me
Are, and I quote, “Going. Going. Gone.”

Reading choices, Merrill Lynch,
Are why I did not produce.
Instead of the Wall Street Journal,
I went for Dr. Seuss,
Merrill Lynch.

The global economy is too complicated for a Harvard MBA who is only paid 40 million dollars a year to understand,
And that’s my excuse.

Your investments, Merrill Lynch,
Are showing very poor returns.
So, concerning my own nest egg,
I have very real concerns,
Merrill Lynch.

But you’re doing what I taught you, so I will now invest…
My funds with Bear Stearns.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   11
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin - November 20, 2007 - Report this comment
cleverly done parody of a tough song to pace
Guy - November 20, 2007 - Report this comment
It ain't all bad - you can have some real fun with bare sterns, but it is more likely that the stock holders are having bare sterns as they lost their shirt and pants in this corporate swindle or at least they have red sterns. Very original parody - well thought out and executed. The Dow is down 555 and Scott is wiping bare sterns.
Roger Wood - November 20, 2007 - Report this comment
Well done!
AFW - November 20, 2007 - Report this comment
I can take stock in this...you deserve your share of fives
MrMacphisto - November 20, 2007 - Report this comment
LOL... one of today's best...
Dee Range - November 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Great sarcastic tale about one of my pet peeves. They should have used his golden parachute of 160 million to repay some of the 8 billion he cost them. Loved the "No heart, all hump" line the best.
John Barry - November 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Lynch 'em! Nice job.
Merril Lynch - March 13, 2009 - Report this comment
Rubbish, I hate you all!

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