You know what we have gotta do
In the daytime when they retire?
Take a stake of sturdy yew,
Whittle sharp as a church spire.

Come on, stake and smite vampire,
Come on, stake and smite vampire,
Force it through the heart--don't tire.

The time for visitation's due
When Apollo's strumming his lyre;
Tired from nighttime bites, they snooze--
Shove in the shaved shank and he'll expire.

Come on, stake and smite vampire,
Come on, stake and smite vampire,
For good measure, light on fire

The time for micturition's* due. . .
I apologize for attire's
Dryness damped with amber hue
Symbolizing my "let's scram!" desires.

"Come on, stake and smite vampire!"
Calls my mate, with eyes on fire.
"Fight your fear; we're standing by 'er!"

I spy 'er and I see it's true
By the dim light of the torch fire.
Quite attractive is she, too;
I think that I love this girl vampire.

Comely is she by the fire,
Come on baby, bite me drier!
I'm flighty, quickly respire,
I await the night, inspired,
Shyly of you to inquire:
Might you be my heart's desire?


*urination