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Song Parodies -> "The Bends"

Original Song Title:

"The End"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"The Bends"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

This is the bends:
Nitrogen blends
With oxygen
As he ascends, the bends.

Less power for his glands, the bends.
There's tingling in his hands, the bends.
Unsafe too fast to rise, the bends.
Above him, clear blue skies and friends.

A constriction when he breathes;
Air-limited lungs seethe.
Desperately in need of a chamber, land!
He's a desperate man.

[water]Logged and he's roamin', swimmin' down the drain.
The scene's a sylvan lake domain.
And he's swimmin' down the drain.
Raising will give lunger pain.

There's danger goin' so far down;
Risin' straightaway's crazy.
Bleary eyes don't watch the time.
Risin' makes his chest cavey.

Risin' shakes, risin' quakes
Him in lake; he's pained in lake, wavy.
He stays too long, several hours.
Risin' shakes bronchioles;* and his skin's cold.

His chest's bein' pressed,
His chest's bein' pressed.
Death's near; he feels its caress.

His bruised lungs are feelin' sprung,
His bruised lungs are feelin' sprung.
Diver, air's wanted in lungs.

The diver would choke in the pond, with rubber boots on.
He'd hooked a mask from his aunt named Valerie,
When it was on--downright small.
He had lots of room for his sinewed limbs
In the suit made for his big sibling brother,
Although the crotch was downright small.
He came to the lake's floor,
Up too fast he'd glide,
Farther. . .you don't have gills, dude!
Smothered, guy wants to. . .
"F**k! Ooh! This hurts! Gotta get to the surface and find a hyperbaric chamber. . ."

[string of gurgled, unintelligible expletives]

Cannot raise up too fast or he'll bust,
Can-like chamber for lungs is a must. . .
Can nitrogen-narcosis bloodlust.
He'll need a chamber fast; out he blew gusts
His blue lips are locked
On air hose, sucks
His blue lips are locked. . .
"Come on, air!

Fill, fill, fill, fill. . . ."

This is the bends;
Could mean the end.
To avoid bends,
Don't too fast ascend, friend.

You'll burst and dead you'll be;
Best in pool to loll, thus flee
The bends, blood bubbling with hot nit';
The bends--treat right or you might die.

This is the bends.

*branches of the bronchi, airways in the respiratory tract that conducts air into the lungs.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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Jack Wilson - November 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Great job! 555
alvin rhodes - November 01, 2006 - Report this comment
bent over in laughter here...5s
Agrimorfee - November 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Thought my "Gluteus Maximus" was the be-all, end-all of "The End" parodies, but you proved me wrong. Very sophisticated. 555
John Barry - November 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Jack, Alvin, Agrimorfee (can't believe you and I are the only one's who've yet tackled this tune). On to "When the Music's Over."
2Eagle - November 01, 2006 - Report this comment
You need a course in biology to dig this one.
AFW - November 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent deep and dramatic dark humor...fives
Paul Robinson - November 01, 2006 - Report this comment
JB, I'm thinking of Morrison doing these lyrics instead of the Originals...this is really much more meaningful. Hey! Maybe your character could borrow those gills he needs from the Fish in Alvin's piece...Oops! too late, he got fried already. So you get "fives" already ~ ~ ~
Stuart McArthur - November 01, 2006 - Report this comment
that's like no episode of Sea Hunt that I ever saw - lyrics fit perfectly to that Doors sound - 555
malcolm higgins - November 02, 2006 - Report this comment
we're just scratching the surface of your talents as you rise up here, John 5-5-5
Susanna Viljanen - November 02, 2006 - Report this comment
555 kilopascals for your hyperbaric chamber!
TJC - November 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Atmospheric! One of your cleverest yet! (and now I know why Jay is Screamin'!)

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