Song Parodies -> "Anyone Who Smelled A Fart"

Original Song Title:

"Anyone Who Had A Heart"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"Anyone Who Smelled A Fart"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

"Anyone who never heard OS": One of the most intricately-paced and -rhymed songs of its era. Widely-varying line length and rhyme scheme (including mixing masculine and feminine rhymes), unlike most songs of the era, and some 30 years before Rap made such variation popular. (Gave Turtle lifelong love of mixed-up meter.) IMHO, the best of this singer/writer trio.

Couldn't find an original DW video; Cilla Black's cover was #1 in the UK, but don't think the voice is as good. Best I found was a Dusty Springfield cover.

OS lyrics on the Web don't accurately reflect the varied line-lengths and stresses (and are mostly incomplete), so took the chance of posting them below. Best version, though not reflecting the pacing, here. (Admins -- just delete the OS lyrics part if that's taboo.)

Anyone who smelled a fart
Could look at you
And know that you cut it
Anyone so badly steamed
By such poo - poo
Would know that your butt, it
Silently slid it --
-- Through!

Anyone who smelled a fart
Would take hands,
Hold his nose, and
Go "Pee-eww!"
You --
-- Couldn't really have a heart
And pass gas
So en masse, ass, and say, so untrue:
"What deed did I do?"

Wait until it goes away
I always say
No more baked bean pie, dear
Loving you the way I do
I tremble back
One more and I die, dear
Cannot abide, fear --
-- So:

If you let your cheeks apart
And make me
Smell your "charms" and
Inhale, too
You --
-- Prob'ly oughtta' just depart
Don't "spurt" me
Just desert me and head to Peru
Or to Timbuktu

[interlude of various musical toots]

Knowing I love you so --
Why such gas so rank and tart?
Earthquake-ly
Like napalm bomb
Buzz me, too
You --
-- Couldn't know what you impart
Alert me!
Disconcerts me: this Brie that you brew

Anyone who had a heart would use some glue!
Anyone who had a heart would not be breaking --
-- Five-alarms and
Just think of me
Get... a clue! (ewww!)

OMG! Another fart just came from you, (ehhh!)
I think this one's off the chart, and record-making
Surely breaking
The *best* from me
Why .... did you? (bleah!)

(Please fade, and *stop repeating*!)

---------------------------------------

OS
Burt Bacharach -- lyrics
Hal David -- score

Anyone who ever loved
Could look at me
And know that I love you
Anyone who ever dreamed
Could look at me
And know I dream of you
Knowing I love you --
-- So!

Anyone who had a heart
Would take me
In his arms and
Love me, too
You --
-- Couldn't really have a heart
And hurt me,
Like you hurt me and be so untrue
What am I to do?

Every time you go away,
I always say
This time it's goodbye, dear
Loving you the way I do
I take you back,
Without you I'd die, dear
Knowing I love you --
-- So!

Anyone who had a heart
Would take me
In his arms and
Love me, too
You --
-- Couldn't really have a heart
And hurt me,
Like you hurt me and be so untrue
What am I to do?

[interlude, mostly saxophone]

Knowing I love you so --
Anyone who had a heart
Would take me
In his arms and
Love me, too
You --
-- Couldn't really have a heart
And hurt me,
Like you hurt me and be so untrue

Anyone who had a heart would love me too
Anyone who had a heart would surely take me
In his arms and
Always love me
Why... won't you? (yeah)

Anyone who had a heart would love me too, (yeah)
Anyone who had a heart would surely take me
In his arms and
Always love me
Why... won't you? (yeah)
(repeat and fade)

For once, it's the gal's fault, not the guy's. (might be the first such parody here!) ... Thanks to Fart'llgirl for respiring me to "rip" this one out of the "undone" folder where it's been mellowing for two years, "squeeze" it into my schedule, and "slide" it through to completion.

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail: tomm...@yahoo.com

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TJC - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment

Hey, I thought they outlawed weaponized aerosols years ago?
Great take on this mournful (Bale'ful?) OS replete with a massive butt-load of 'curiously strong' n' creative descriptors...
Best of all, you've proven women *can* be the 'strong, silent' type...

Mark Scotti - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment

I guess my last entry 'set you off..." smells like fives to me.

Andy Primus - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment

555 more eggy wet ones for you

Unscented FG - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment

Parody pass... it's a gas, gas, gas!

Tommy Turtle - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment

TJC: "Curiously" strong 'n creative? My middle name, Sir! lol and thanks for v/c!

Mark Scotti: *PLEEZ* don't tempt me to post my whole fartography, as I did with the sheepliography.... Great as yours was, I have a fartfolio that started when you were just a gleam in ChuckyG's eye :) ... and of course, you know how to find them if interested. (btw, once in a while, TT's outro comments are worth reading... he puts a lot into them, including, in this case, the inspiration.) Thanks for the v/c, Mark -- this has been a fartile topic for parody since waay before moi's arrival, and your contribution was indeed well worthy of the genre!

Andy Primus: thanks!

Organic, All-Natural FG: The only kind of products I buy... thanks for the pass, Teach!

Old Man Ribber - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment

Silent but deadly, TT ;D

AFW - August 12, 2009 - Report this comment

My dog, Sniffy tuned me in on this...it rises to great heights..

Tommy Turtle - August 12, 2009 - Report this comment

Old Man Ribber: Like the Marine Recons, right? ... thanks for v/c.

AFW: Haven't heard from Sniffy in a while -- glad he's doin' OK! ... and ya always used to blame him when things went wrong, so it's about time he got some praise for such a wondrous good deed :) thanks for v/c.

2Eagle - August 12, 2009 - Report this comment

Fives because it congers up thoughts of Hitler and El Segundo.

La Tortuga - August 12, 2009 - Report this comment

2Eagle: Don't you think Hitler would be offended by that comparison? (having lived near ES at one time) lol. Look, "someone's" gotta treat the sewage :) Thanks for v/c.

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