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Song Parodies -> "Scratches"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Dickey Lee

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Spin-off of Wednesday's "Snatches", which was a spin-off of Patch Tuesday's Microsoft® "Patches". The trilogy was unintended, and unrelated to today's other post, which had been in the works for a week. OS here. Original 45 rpm recording on YouTube.

Meet my dear lover; we go nine, the whole, yards
Passion arouses, she mutters, "Go down"
Then, wild girl, back of body, nail: scratches
Scratches, from darling: by wife, hope not found

See, I am married, but turned out a bummer
Fish? Master bait? Or get piece on the side?
Now, home goes me and await wife's jaws snappin'
She mustn't know; keep my shirt on to hide

Scratches, oh, what can I do?
Can't bare these marks to this shrew
There's no way to erase; cover scars: make-up base?
Wear T-shirt and hope don't show through

Each night I cry; it's like sleeping with auntie
While pretty Patty's my lady and wh*re [1]
Wife doesn't know that I frequently see her
Scratches so pink, my wild ride evermore

I hear a neighbor spewing some blather
Rumors she spreads, about Patty 'round town
Sleeping face-up with this prude-y non-giver
Gives shoulder, so cold, hard; won't roll panties down

Scratches, oh, what can I do?
This mare, a loud screamer, too
It may not be right, but I'll join you tonight
Scratches: I'm coming (you, too!)

[1] Adage-old description of the ideal woman: "A lady in the living room and a wh*re in the bedroom".

Dedicated to Patty Belle, although she probably won't see this. © 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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Mark Scotti - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Just like Bill Gates,you've scratched the last version for another! Great one as always, Turtle, but your technological prowess on this site has not included "scratch n' sniff'... Maybe in the future...
alvin - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
great concept
Andy Primus - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Good one but with all that shagging on the side you'd better get ready to do "Catches"
AFW - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
From snatches to scratches...great way to go
Tommy Turtle - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti: Good point! .. and would have been sooo cool at TT's other song today! Will talk to ChuckyG about that ... thanks for v/c, Mark.
alvin, thanks.
Andy Primus: Good advice - but rest assured, the Turtle always wears his shell during mating season! :-) .. thanks for v/c, Andy.
AFW, thanks.
Lush Bimbaugh's Excoriation Nation channeling Patti Belle - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Our official stance, is that the happenstance ttri-logic , as presented in the herein purported published Patches TTrio is sound (and fury and great and inspired!). In short, you 'nailed' it!
John Barry - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
You've scratched my funny bone.
TT - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
LBENcPB: Thank you, Lush! umm, do ya know whom yer channeling? :-)
John Barry, thanks.
Leo Keough - May 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Well I guess we can scratch that title switch off the list...Great job...555!
TT - May 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Leo Keough (lol!), thanks much!
adagio - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Is that me, TT?...Patty Belle? Trust you'd remember that old nickname. :) Loved it whatever, 5's
adagio - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
TT, is Patty Belle me? If I told you, trust you'd remember that old nickname of mine. Good parody even if not, Loved the 'puns'. 5's
Tommy Turtle - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
adagio: take a close look at "Adage-old" (pun/cross between "age-old" and "adage", say it rapidly three times, try stressing different syllables, and see if anything else comes out :) .... thanks for vote and two comments (hope you voted twice, too ... kidding!)
adagio - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
TT...I did, adage-old seemed to ring a bell.

There seems to have been some kind of mix up in my commenting. I commentinted once, looked again and it was gone, so I commented again. Maybe I voted twice too ;)
TT TT - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Cool! :)
belle - July 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Recast my vote. Besides the parody seemed to call for it...I liked it,natch(es)!!
Tommy Turtle - July 25, 2010 - Report this comment
belle, you know what they say in Illinois, especially Chicago: "Vote early, and vote often!" ;) ... hey, it's a free country, vote as often you like! (at AIR, of course :=D)

Thanks for the not-quite-instant replay, and you know, summer *is* the time for reruns.... ;)

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