~ Felt, hump, fist, pump - the Muppets kneed your junk! ~

There are those who - say Muppets - are schlockers (what a joke!)
‘Aging icons’ - that PBS shills (‘cause it’s broke!)
All our guest stars - remember’s - *this shocker*: (gonna stroke!)
“Muppet sex tapes - are paying - our bills.”

(5, 4, 3.... Pay or it’s on TMZ!)

Now we’ve taped...
Paris bare-ass, Sheeny weenie, Betty White on Kermit’s ‘greenie’
Shtuppin’ Muppets and celeb-ri-tease
Like Reese’s pieces, Busey’s booty, Famous Amos’ pert patooty;
Get down with Gonzo - we’ll capture - the sleaze!

(4, 5, 6... Franklin ‘black-males’ all his tricks!)

~ Felt, hump, fist, pump - the Muppets kneed your junk! ~

We began as - felt scraps in - some attic (as a pup!)
Then Jim Henson - and Oz - came along (‘felt’ us up!)
But when Romney - stormed in - we caught static (that’s a yup!)
*Poof!* The budget - for Big Bird - was gone

(Bill, Bar’ Bush... paid so we won’t tweet their tush!)

And we’ve taped...
Britt’ey’s kitty - gettin’ jiggy - locking ‘Lips’ with Chaz and Piggy;
Precious’ flesh - buried Bert - in HD
Then Kenny G and Tesh and Yani, - Phils (both ‘Doc’ and Punxsutawny)
Cried, “Fozzy won’t you - ‘O-pen Ses-ame’”?!

(Fi, Fo, Fum .... Gere lost Beaker in his bum!)

~ Felt, hump, fist, pump - the Muppets kneed yer junk! ~

So now the red ink’s - receding, - but slowly (what a save!)
Though our dry cleaning bills are sky high (‘cause of Flav!)
Since the Cause and the Cure are both ‘holey’ (what a knave!)
PBS suits - all turn a - blind eye...

(2, 3, whore.... we out-Snookied Jersey Shore!)

When we filmed...
Cee Lo, Li-Lo, J-Lo, Yo-Yo, - Kanye, Kirsty, Kim and Bozo
Shagging Muppets without any shame
Now Flaco sacko, Kaper' pickle, loin-of-Lewis Elmo tickles
Their ‘Souper’ Bowl was - a *really* - tight game!

On the web or in the tabloids
You won’t see these shaggin’ freaks
‘Cause our guest stars always pay up
So their ‘Wiki’ never leaks!

~ Waka, Waka! ~