They're selling influence in Congress
They're locking the seaports down
The HMO's are all filled with salesmen
They jerk us all around
Here comes T. Heinz' dear Senator
They've taught him how to dance
This man has tried to be light-hope talker
And not the new King of France
And the diet squad lost Atkins
They need some more carbos
As Ralph Nader holds his hanky out
To blow the nation's nose

Barbarella, Jane Fonda's best role
"I still ain't no commie," she smiles
And puts her cash in her best stock tips
Martha Stewart style
And in comes The Apprentice, who's moaning
"I deserve this job, I believe"
And The Donald says, "You're on the wrong show, my friend
You're fired, leave!"
And the only crap that's left
To watch on network TV shows
Is 60 Minutes' gray-haired guys
Who blow the nation's nose

Now the fuel is costing millions
The cars are beginning to die
The fuel-oil-selling Saudis
Have even shaken all their oil wells dry
All except for Exxon/Mobil
And the oil men of Dallas fame
Everybody is making bucks
Without a shred of shame
And the Good Samaritan, he's worried
His lawyer says to bypass those
Who take a beating on the roadside as
They blow the nation's nose

Cows are feelin' a bit 'neath the weather
Heifers they feel so much pain
Now the twenty-second one's died
She'd already lost her poor brain
To her, death was quite psychotic
She tried to do her best
Her necropsy's last incision
Explained all her lifelessness
And though McDonald's burger-kings
Sponsored half-time shows
They spend their dimes seeking how
To blow the nation's nose

Actress, disgusted with her goods
Got her mammaries pumped with gunk
Cash she paid an' showered her gold
On doctors, who inject junk
They looked so unnaturally bulbous
As she showed off her new set
Then she went off making movies
And exciting each man she met
Now you might cringe if you look at her
But she was famous long ago
For helping each man in America
To blow the nation's nose

Dr. Ruth, she keeps her world
Inside of her weathered grin
And all her sex-stressed patients
They're trying to stick it in
Now her nurse, Nevada Madam,
She's in charge of the Glorious Hole
And she also keeps the cards that read
"Have Sex Please as Your Goal"
They all play The Johnson Trumpet
And that Trumpet blows
As they patriotically give head
And blow the nation's nose

Down on Broadway they've raised the curtain
They're wearing tuxes and white gloves
"The Phantom Of The Opera"
A perfect metaphor of love
They're spoonfeeding television
To get us to shop in our sleep
We'll be brainwashed with subliminals
After following them like sheep
And the Phantom's shouting symbolically
"Look at my mask - get one of those!
Or you'll lose your privacy to the politicians
Who blow the nation's nose!"

Now at midnight all the voters
Up in little Dixville Notch
Come to The Balsam's Ballot Room
And have a shot of scotch
Then they hand them all their ballot cards
And they step to the machine
And slap the slot so proudly
And cast their vote so clean
They're so proud of this moment
They all wear their finest clothes
Cynics call it political theatrics
That blow the nation's nose

Raise fees for autos' octane
The gas goes on sale at dawn
And every driver's hoping
The gas won't be gone
And Saruman and the Dark Lord Sauron
Scheming high in their Two Towers
While the Elven singers laugh at them
And Gollum seeks dark powers
We drive our cars to movie screens
And watch the Tolkien show
We get bread and circuses from Caesar
And blow the nation's nose

Yes, I received your message yesterday
(About the time my hard disk crashed)
When you asked if I'd stopped drinking
Did you think I was smashed?
All these headlines that I mentioned
Oh Lord help me, such bad news
Christians, Hindus, Buddhists and Muslims
Agnostics, Atheists and Jews
If we can't live and let live
We'll cry tears like a firehose
And there'll be no one left
To blow the nation's nose