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Song Parodies -> "Off-Kilter Ungulate-Unseemly Dream"

Original Song Title:

"Bob Dylan's 115th Dream"

Original Performer:

Bob Dylan

Parody Song Title:

"Off-Kilter Ungulate-Unseemly Dream"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I was writhin’ in a lay bower
With an awfully fine lamb
She smelled of lanolin, that
Ain’t nasty like a ham
This was fun, my lust unchecked
Such joy to forge this tail
Some of my friends wonder
Why I ain’t been placed in jail
All I love’s ovine
Sheep-bangin’ merrily
“Appalling!” jailors’d boo
If they could jeer and sneer at me

I used to ball this big mare, hippa
I did once, but now banned
That word from my lex-
icon; found a new one, and
That one ain’t drab, started
Plyin’ it when needs
Were changed when I went from horse
After riding a pace with steeds
Just when I’d stopped equine retreats
Came to me: my boon
Is go do an impale
Of Mary’s friends’ baaaaaaaaaaa poons

Ah, see that fluffy snout
So like a fleecy Frau
Much better than a whelp
And I’ve always spurned the cow
Which was such a letdown
That there bower-y hump
’cause sheep’ll carriage spline from ground-
ward to standing plump
I’ll jump right on ovine
Sayin’, “Oh no, I cannot wait!”
I’m surprised that by some lamb is eaten
I swive—way great!

You’ll find it in a restaurant
Look, I’d never cook
’em, but just like a senator
My fame claim is ethics forsook
I’ll wait until a dam comes
And explore her wool-collared nape
Her moniker’s Suzette
And she’ll keep me in shape
I’ll find no bolls twitching; algodon’s*
Where spoilers at
Ewes: won’t find ’em anywhere
Bolls-bereft, no doubt—that’s that!

Wow, saw wooly queen in the posies
Buttressing a river bank
Her lambent tail each way wagged
I called out joy, and I gave thanks
Upstanding me did go lateral
Post-pulling-down my pants
I knew her in that valley
Up above, birds looked askance
So inviting was this sur[rogate] spouse
That I spent then went again
She knocked me out, grass-noshing beaut
I went along to meet her friends

Hell, I ain’t rapt by a mouse
They’re too small to shag anyway
My head’s had such thoughts thrown out
So compliments now I pay
To lambkins, those browsing dears
And their ewes quim to quim
And so it goes with imbued sheep-lust woo
I’ve bred sore hot quim
Through down I steer my brazen bone
I cannot stop
By the time my effort’s arrested
I am spent, land on lamb—kerplop!

Their band ain’t a “pride”
That’s for lions. . .find ’em drab
Besides, with their claws they score
It’s shivving done, the stab
It’s “flock” of sheep, a not-dog band
Dogs is furry rats no good
Bark a lot; some are killing
Mad, incising neighborhoods
I’d have me a .44
For like-lobo wales, because
You could be in a funeral parlor
If rabid pitbull you in does

I’m retreating now from bends
Of ears with tales about dy-ing
Hey, pray be warned
Or dead you might be—that’s why
I look for lambs—they’re such good guys
“Dams,” I mean, that bleat
Then I’m rolling all “dames,” mounted, rode
Can’t knock ’em up—that’s neat!
A drayed bone, when sinkin’
Will up about move in time
That why prickin’ up’s this lead fellow
Kaput shame’s through. . .re-primed

I’m tired and can’t keep my head up
By that, I mean that with cap
My binge on lambs was just swell
But a rest is happ’nin—a nap
I decided I’d be enjoyin’
My bed, with no travails
But in nocturne, somethin arose
At fast clip, transcends the pale
In the dream I wailed for moose
As the noise rolled off my lip
There ain’t females
To spy, just males
And so I gave the massed group the slip.

Well, a-gander I looked
In darkling thickets that I’d passed
I was diggin’, REM’d in bed
Not a goat pard, shoat; but fast
Was gamboling some game
That weren’t no nappy kids
That can grieve with butts
That taunt with clove’ toes
Must admit: better than squids
I said, for a doe I would shoot
I would be buoyed
So off I’d go, right away
With my hairy pair deployed

Well, at last a bird stopped, landed
And plucked did I its tail
It was very moved then pecked at me
Shucking off a nail
Then a lovely thing, because
A quite large deer came my way
I followed, sylvan tailin’
I’s enthralled. . .could be my day
I grabbed the animal and tame ’twas
But how dumb I was as in I stuck
Wasn’t a dame, but what’s the fuss?!
I just had good buck!


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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

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Meriadoc - September 03, 2012 - Report this comment
What, not a single comment on this masterpiece? This was quite an elegant lay... DKTOS, so read it kinda like a poem - reminded me of What Nina Answered. A salute to John Arthur Barimbaud.

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