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Song Parodies -> "If I Were a Paranoid"

Original Song Title:

"If I Were a Carpenter"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Bobby Darin

Parody Song Title:

"If I Were a Paranoid"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

The original was written by Tim Hardin, as was one of my all-time favorites, "Reason to Believe." The reason I don't use that song to lampoon right-wingers is that I wouldn't have to change a word: "If I listened long enough to you, I'd find a way to believe that it's all true, knowing that you lied, straight-faced while I cried." Well, no more tears, no more excuses, no more letting their side use lies and fear to win without fighting back.
(instrumental opening)

If I were a paranoid
and you were a liberal
would you vote for me anyway
as I make you snivel?

If a warrior were my trade
practice what I've been preaching
would you call me a "rich bastard"
and accuse me of leeching?

Save your breath, you're a fascist nut
doomed for ages of sorrow.
I will sit here and bash this nut
long after tomorrow.

If I were a Christian
by the Bush definition
would you call me a hypocrite
hot as nuc-u-lar fission?

If I were a Fox News host
truth beneath my heel grinding
would you switch over to CNN
with reality finding?

(instrumental break)

If I were a paranoid
and you a free thinker
would you write me a parody?
Would you call me a stinker?

But I'm not the paranoid
and I point the finger.

(instrumental fadeout)
Take a wild guess as to which finger. After all, he doesn't even have the courage to allow comments. Typical far-right bully, doesn't want a fair fight.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 1.8
How Funny: 1.8
Overall Rating: 1.8

Total Votes: 20

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   16
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 16
 
 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   4
 4
 4
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Violet T. Riol - March 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Yeah, it's not the anonymity. Hell, I'm anonymous. It's the comments cowardice. Oh yeah, and the content...
alvin rhodes - March 22, 2007 - Report this comment
matched up beautifully
MasonR - March 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Well done, and like Alvin says, well-matched to the OS...although I don't toally agree that CNN's depiction of reality is much more real than Fox's. It's just that CNN's bias is different than Fox's. Me? I take both with a grain of salt, and get my news from TheOnion.com ;-). (Oh, no! S.P. might think I'm serious about The Onion and say something like "typical no-nothing Dimmocrat.")
Michael Pacholek - March 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Don't worry about it, Mason. You've already proven that, out of the two of you, you're the one with the onions. Unless you count his breath, but that's a whole other metaphor. (As far as I know!)

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