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Song Parodies -> "Monster Hags"
Original Song Title:
"Monster Mash"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Bobby 'Boris' Pickett
Parody Song Title:
"Monster Hags"
Parody Written by:
The Comedian
The Lyrics
I am currently playing the part of Jacob Marley in Charles Dickens' "Christmas Carol" at Theatre III in Acton, Massachusetts ( Click here to see me in-character ). The scene in "Christmas Carol" where a group of old hags gather to sell stuff they stole from Scrooge's death-bed is often referred-to as "The Hag Scene". Paula, who is playing "Mrs. Dilber" (one of those hags), asked me to write this parody so the four of us --- the 3 hags plus yours truly, "Jacob Marley" --- can perform it at a cast party. Paula, this is for you!
I was lurking in the dark late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
From that Ebenezer Scrooge's death-bedside
Came suddenly, to my surprise
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
(THE MONSTER HAGS!)
Clutching their filthy bags!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
I heard them cackle and brag!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
From the purgatory in which I was chained
I observed the nerve with which they obtained
Spoons, towels, bed sheets, curtains galore,
Sugar-tongs, bric-a-brac, blankets, and more!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
(THE MONSTER HAGS!)
Clutching their filthy bags!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Wearing their flea-bitten rags!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
When Scrooge departed this life,
THEY stripped his clothes with a knife!
Char-woman, Laundress, and the,
Under-taker's own wife!
The scene was sleazy, all were showing their junk
To the fence Old Joe, who stunk worse than a skunk
"Five bob, the lot," said Old Joe with a sneer,
"Oy would not pays y'more if y'boiled me in beer!"
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
(THE MONSTER HAGS!)
Clutching their filthy bags!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Smell how they stink and you'll gag!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
Then Scrooge's corpse cried out, "Indeed ---
--- those ugly hags know the meaning of greed!
If it's my fate, to be grave-robbed,
I'm glad it 'twas you --- you've done such a great job!"
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
(THE MONSTER HAGS!)
Clutching their filthy bags!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
You'll hear them cackle and brag!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
Now everything's cool, Scrooge is dead as a nail
And the monster-hags put his rubbish on sale
They made their fortune --- now they're misers, too!
When they get to MY door, they'll get chains and we'll do ---
(WE'LL DO THE MASH!)
We'll do The Marley Mash!
(THE MARLEY MASH!)
If you're a piece of trash
(A PIECE OF TRASH!)
And you love only cash
(YOU'LL DO THE MASH!)
You'll do The Marley Mash!
(YOU'LL DO THE MASH!)
You'll do The Marley Mash!
(THE MARLEY MASH!)
If you're a piece of trash
(A PIECE OF TRASH!)
And you love only cash
(YOU'LL DO THE MASH!)
You'll do The Marley Mash!
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
From that Ebenezer Scrooge's death-bedside
Came suddenly, to my surprise
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
(THE MONSTER HAGS!)
Clutching their filthy bags!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
I heard them cackle and brag!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
From the purgatory in which I was chained
I observed the nerve with which they obtained
Spoons, towels, bed sheets, curtains galore,
Sugar-tongs, bric-a-brac, blankets, and more!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
(THE MONSTER HAGS!)
Clutching their filthy bags!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Wearing their flea-bitten rags!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
When Scrooge departed this life,
THEY stripped his clothes with a knife!
Char-woman, Laundress, and the,
Under-taker's own wife!
The scene was sleazy, all were showing their junk
To the fence Old Joe, who stunk worse than a skunk
"Five bob, the lot," said Old Joe with a sneer,
"Oy would not pays y'more if y'boiled me in beer!"
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
(THE MONSTER HAGS!)
Clutching their filthy bags!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Smell how they stink and you'll gag!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
Then Scrooge's corpse cried out, "Indeed ---
--- those ugly hags know the meaning of greed!
If it's my fate, to be grave-robbed,
I'm glad it 'twas you --- you've done such a great job!"
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
(THE MONSTER HAGS!)
Clutching their filthy bags!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
You'll hear them cackle and brag!
(THOSE UGLY HAGS!)
Those ugly monster-hags!
Now everything's cool, Scrooge is dead as a nail
And the monster-hags put his rubbish on sale
They made their fortune --- now they're misers, too!
When they get to MY door, they'll get chains and we'll do ---
(WE'LL DO THE MASH!)
We'll do The Marley Mash!
(THE MARLEY MASH!)
If you're a piece of trash
(A PIECE OF TRASH!)
And you love only cash
(YOU'LL DO THE MASH!)
You'll do The Marley Mash!
(YOU'LL DO THE MASH!)
You'll do The Marley Mash!
(THE MARLEY MASH!)
If you're a piece of trash
(A PIECE OF TRASH!)
And you love only cash
(YOU'LL DO THE MASH!)
You'll do The Marley Mash!
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Oy!! Three 5's for ye.
Great stuff Johnny D, Paula should be impressed.
Saw the title and thought it was going to be about Condi, Harriet, and Karen. 5s
Your in-character photo scared me into giving you fives.
Thanks, carol, Red Ant, JB, and Rick C.
The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.
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