AH, WELL I NEVER!

I have heard around this town
People say you're a stupid clown.
(Is that what they're saying? Ah, well I never!)
(What a tall story that is).

And have you heard much more than that,
Others think you're a total prat.
(Who are these friends of yours? Tell them to sod off)
Why should I?
(What a tall story that is).

(I'm hurt, I'm shocked) I'm not.
(I'm sad, I'm mocked) but it's all true,
(Why, I've never been so miserable) Wouldn't say that.
(So tell me what I've done to you?).

You're such a jerk (oh really?),
You've chucked in your work (well in truth I got the sack).
(And I haven't seen you doing much lately) But I have.
(Yes I know, I know where you've been my dear).

(I've heard things about you too),
(What you did with the rowing crew) No!
(How many dear? Was it all eight of them? Did you have a good time?)
How did you hear? (Heard on the grapevine; what a line).

I have heard a whole lot more (what now?)
You got smashed in the pub next door,
Drunk again, eh (No, not true)
Well, we're you ever?
(What a tall story that is).

(Hey, just check it out) I might just do that.
You think I'll get to the truth of it?

(It's lies) So it's lies? (Untrue) Untrue?
It's ballyhoo! La da da da La da da da.

(We row) Yes we row, (We do) we do,
And not all is true. We might not agree
But in the end it's you and me.

We have heard something to cheer
Sometime soon we'll be in the clear.
Ah, well I never,
It's a tall story, a tall story,
Improbable, load of bull story that is.

(Let's make up and kiss)
That's something I've missed.
(I'll just grab a beer)
And I will have a gin my dear!

We have heard something to cheer,
Sometime soon we'll be in the clear.
Ah, well I never,
It's a tall story, a tall story,
Improbable, load of bull story that is.