Joan was masculine, ate food with tabasco in
Couldn't get a man
Late night all alone with a playgirl Oh-oh-oh-oh
Maxine Finnigan wasn't really into men
Calls her on the phone
Can I come on over to visit? Jo-o-oan
I've got a little friend you should meet
He's better than a guy

Bang bang Maxine's silver helper
Was more than just a toy
Wang wang Maxine's silver helper
Was good as any boy

Once at Joanie's place, Maxine opened up the case
Showed off all three speeds
Taking time to read the instructions Oh-oh-oh-oh
Like the package said, laid old Joanie on the bed
Plugged that gizmo in
Causing them to grin as they watched it go-oh-oh-oh
And as they read through all of the steps
They had themselves a ball

Bang bang Maxine's silver helper
Was more than just a toy
Wang wang Maxine's silver helper
Was good as any boy

After long abuse, and the house had blown a fuse
Maxine went back home
Having caused old Joan to be feeling So-oh-oh-oh
Thought tomorrow night, she would call up Katie White
Three is not a crowd
Though it might get loud
When we start to blow-oh-oh-oh
And as this thought was crossing her mind
She started to recall

Bang bang Maxine's silver helper
Was more than just a toy
Wang wang Maxine's silver helper
Was good as any boy
Silver helper, Man!