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Song Parodies -> "Halfwit Dicks Shouldn't Have Guns"

Original Song Title:

"Happiness Is a Warm Gun"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Halfwit Dicks Shouldn't Have Guns"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

He's the guy who hit Whittington:
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh sh*t!
He's unacquainted with the touch of a svelte handgun,
And his misaimed shotgun can cause pain.

He turned and he found that he'd blasted Harry right out
Of his hunting boots,
Lyin' in the slime while his hand picked pellets
Out of buckshot eyes.
The dope has lessened Harry,'s life; 78;
This guy could have done without this nut.

He's shot by Dick and he's goin' down
Because this dick is a clumsy clown.
He's shot by Dick and he's goin' down

Dubya's superior shot the gun,
Dubya's superior shot the gun,
Dubya's superior shot the gun,
Dubya's superior shot the gun.

Halfwit dicks shouldn't have guns,
Halfwit Dick shouldn't have guns, shotgun.
When you give such a dolt arms,
And his finger gets on the trigger,
He is going to do a great deal of harm,
Locally and internationally.
Halfwit dicks shouldn't have guns,
They should not.
Halfwit dicks shouldn't have, they should not,
You know that halfwits dicks, shouldn't have guns.
No! No!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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John Barry - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Speaking of halfwits, I messed up in this admittedly cheap shot--that would be "bird," not "buck." Dick's actually more of an evil genius, and because the shooting was presumably an accident, "halfwit" really should be "hapless." Sorry, Dick.
Kristof Robertson - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
The second great parody of today, JAB...and very accomplished for such a tricky OS. Great job. 555
alvin rhodes - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
my favorite of the day
John Barry - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Kristof, Alvin.
Michael Pacholek - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
John, in your own fashion, I thought up about 20 titles for a Cheney-gun parody, but not to this song. Whether I'll get any of them posted remains to be seen. (My computer was unavailable yesterday, hence I didn't pounce on the story.) Whether any of them will be this good, I doubt it. Maybe you can rewrite "I Put a Spell On You" to fit the topic.
John Barry - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Michael, you are a mensch. I'll mull this suggestion over.
Lurker - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
As always, the ultra-liberal parodist doesn't know the facts. The guy who got shot was to blame for his own injuries. Our outstanding Vice President did nothing wrong. Amazing the way you brainless Demo(n)cRats get all excited about trivial things. Well, I guess when you have no positive ideas and can't get elected, you have to distract yourselves somehow. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Harry Whittington - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Call me old-fashioned, Lurker, but I'm 78 years old and I don't consider a faceful of lead shot to be a trivial matter. I also resent being shot by a 4F coward who avoided service during Vietnam and is now one the loudest chickenhawks on Iraq. But maybe that's just the painkillers talking.
Red Ant - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Very good John. Lurker, this has absolutely nothing to do with my political views, but the VP was at fault. You do not fire a gun at something moving along the ground when there are other hunters near you. Also, apparently, Cheney had tunnel vision to hit someone in a full blaze orange vest, and it wasn't like he was looking through a scope. A 28 gauge with bird shot loses energy very fast and given the long distance is the only reason this lawyer is still alive.
Larry Hensley - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
I have no idea what this is all about, but I found the parody to be very funny. 555's
Phil Alexander - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent, JB. Maybe the "shoot first, ask questions later" view goes all the way up to the top...

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