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Song Parodies -> "I'm a Lurker"

Original Song Title:

"I'm a Loser"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"I'm a Lurker"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I'm a Lurker,
I'm a Lurker;
I'm horrified at profanity.

I cannot write, so on the site I stalk.
I talk the talk, but I can't walk the walk.
My words of wisdom do not come from Zen
But Hallmark cards, Gibran, Rod McKuen.

I'm a Lurker;
I exemplify banality.
I'm a Lurker
And my thoughts transcend inanity.

I cannot laugh, I'm tight-assed, my beat's down--
Take you to task, I inanely expound.
I'm here to cluck my tongue and to cry "fie!"
I've got no talent, so I'll just decry.

I'm a Lurker;
From my maw springs mere mundanity.
I'm a Lurker
And my thoughts transcend inanity.

I can't pace songs, so I will castigate,
Pontificate, and ponderously prate.
A sin is pride and yet I have the gall
To presume to speak for God. I appall.

I'm a Lurker;
My presumption transcends vanity.
I'm a Lurker
And my thoughts transcend inanity.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   16

User Comments

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AFW - October 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Spot on, lurker bashing, John...fives
alvin rhodes - October 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Paul Robinson - October 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Maybe he'll come by and took a lurk at this...yeah, I always have thought that the best way to deal with this type of jerk is to throw the spotlight back on what THEY do...and don't/can't do...they sit back and snipe anonymousely (intentional spelling) at folks who spend time formulating thoughts, put words to them and then organizing those thoughts and words and fitting them into the structure of an existing song. From their anonymouse position they feel free from exposing their own abilities/capabilities/talents (or lack thereof) to open exposure, evaluation and criticism...I'd like to see what type of creative work - or, hey, maybe they are not the 'creative' type...OK...unfair to demand everyone have a creative streak, sure...OK...then write us a couple of coherent paragraphs about your overall philosophy, world view...whatever...something relevant...Nah, I don't think he/she could. Probably just come by and drop a bad score on you...and maybe me for daring to confront their cowardly brand of cynicism...yeah, dude - if you are out there...KMA...
Tim Mayfield - October 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Paul, it sounds like you're describing music executives in your comment. ;-)
Lurker - October 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Ah, such little dopey children (especially the soul-endangered John Barry)! If you only knew my actual biography [my education, my skills/talents, my decades of highly awarded labors, my productivity (in various spheres, including music compositions and parodies), etc., etc., etc.] -- the truth being so very much at odds with your imaginative speculations -- you would be red-faced with embarrassment. Some day, after you grow up (i.e., IF you grow up without having died of drug overdoses, AIDS, etc.), you will look back on these days and say to yourself, "What a waste I made of those years of my life. Lurker was right, but I was too full of pride and narcissism to admit it at the time. I wasted vast numbers of precious hours, given to me by God to do good things, in the pursuit of pornography, scatology, the pro-death cause, and many other evil things. I now repent, though far too late, for all those crimes and deadly sins. Lord Jesus, have mercy on me." By the way, Barry, two things: (1) it is a compliment to say that someone's "thoughts transcend inanity," and (2) the pacing in this parody is even poorer than your usualy mediocre effort. Tsk, tsk. Too bad YOUR thoughts and actions do not "transcend inanity," but remain mired in it (for now). As you may have noticed, above, though, I do not despair of your salvation. You have a better chance than some of these pagan yahoos that feed your ego here, because I can tell (from various parodies) that you have been baptized and received a religious upbringing. As a result, the "Hound of Heaven" will keep after you for a long time to come.
Someone - October 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Gee, I did a search for "Lurker" under parody authors here and found exactly 0 (yes, zero) entries. You typed "...I was too full of pride and narcissism to admit it at the time.", right after typing this:

[my education, my skills/talents, my decades of highly awarded labors, my productivity (in various spheres, including music compositions and parodies), etc., etc., etc.]--sounds narcissistic to me......
Noah Webster - October 14, 2005 - Report this comment
I believe that an actual reading of the lyrics reveals the use of ironic, paradoxical, cross (and I don't mean crucifix)-referential, and/or extra/noncontextual wordplay. But, damn! (figurative use only, I assure you), maybe that's just I, predicate-nominatively-speaking. I'd like to close by invoking the title of an etymological, epistemological, prediscothequal, and--I regret to say--somewhat sensual meditation by my esteemed colleagues in etymology, the Bee Gees: "Words." Oh, BTW, friggin' fine parody, dude!
Paul Robinson - October 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Geez, it sounds as if perhaps a couple other folks around here managed to fit a little education and perhaps some accomplishments in between all their Demon-driven, constant, endless and obsessive pursuit of pornography and their production of offensive feces-referenced parodies. And, as a bonus, some of these folks are actually willing to post their works and opinions under their own names. "Lurker" is apparently just too damned modest to do so...That's SO cool...AND, the dude/dudess also has the time to worry and fuss about our salvation. Too bad we can't verify those accomplishment and works...sometimes that helps one evaluate whether a source actually has any credibility. You know, I would worry about someone who seems incapable of recognizing irony & sarcasm...if I really gave a fat rat's to 'Salvation', what stands out most starkly to me is the certitude "Lurker" seems to have about what does or doesn't 'qualify' one for 'Salvation'. Got some inside knowledge on that issue? Wouldn't that be a "post-mortem" occurrence?
John Barry - October 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, AFW, Tim, Alvin, Someone, Noah, Paul--for all the support. Lurker, guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.
Michael Pacholek - October 14, 2005 - Report this comment
You know how it is, JAB, they can dish it out, but they can't take it. Since you dished it out, you can take these fives, and maybe Lurker the demented phony Christian can take a hike.
Paul Robinson - October 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Hmmm...It appears the "1:43:05AM" post was made by someone other than Michael P...yeah, that seems to be about 'par' for whoever this character is...what a piece of work...
Michael Pacholek - October 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Real original. You don't have the guts to put your real name on your rantings, so you put on the name of somebody who obviously (and correctly) would never believe what you right. You wouldn't know a Christian if he bit you on the other cheek. Stand up, be a man, and use your own name. You little Bush-loving punk!
John Barry - October 15, 2005 - Report this comment
What's this? A Christian writing in someone else's name and using profanity in the process? Zounds! My god is Marx, although it's a toss-up among Groucho, Harpo, and Chico. Zeppo? More like a cherubim. And Gummo--don't get me started!
PMS - October 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Amen and Hallelujah JAB! Nice job!
carol - October 16, 2005 - Report this comment
man I love it!! high time someone called Lurch(I mean Lurker) out for his/her/its continual sniping and too cowardly to put a name to it. 555

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