Please be dutiful and do not of booze be full
When you're building homes.
'Cause they might fall down in a mess. You'd
Go, "Oh, god, no!"

Lax-held implements may require a splint be sent
To straighten a bone.
Might take six weeks in a cast to ato-o-o-one.
But here's one who's been drinking before
He tries to nail a door.

Bang! Bang! Lax-held slipp'ry hammer
Came down on his hand.
Bang! Bang! Lax-held slipp'ry hammer
On his thumb did land.

He'd been tippling when it was only 6 A.M.,
Foreman gets annoyed.
Says, "Hem'rrhoid, I told you--come to work clea-ea-ea-ean!
Now you've lost the day, and there will be hell to pay.
Had you lost your mind?
'Bibing fifteen pints, and all in a row-ow-ow ow?!"
But when he sees the hand of this boy,
He throws up several times.

Ralph! Ralph! Backwelled slipp'ry hamburg
Rained down on his hand.
Ralph! Ralph! Backwelled slipp'ry hamburg
On his thumb did land.

The boy's dirty thumb has become a hurty one--
Throbs right to the bone.
He faints as if kicked in the testes--mo-o-o-oan!
Nose revivery, smelling-salts enlivery
Bring him back to see
His thumb's a splintee, and it's swelled up so-o-o-o.

Six weeks later, he's taking those sips--
The boy's aim's misaligned:

Bang! Bang! Lax-held slipp'ry hammer
Came down on his hand
Bang! Bang! Lax-held slipp'ry hammer
On his thumb did land.

Slipp-ry hammer. Yow!!!!