Sergeant Graner's Bonehead Hard-Club Band

Judge Advocate General:
His IQ's about 20, I'd say.
Sgt. Graner taught the band to play.
He's a member of the rank and file. . .
Says he just followed commanders' style.

So may I introduce to you,
The pack whose acts set us back years:
Sgt. Graner's bonehead hard-club band.

They're Sgt. Graner's bonehead hard-club band
They put on a disgraceful show
Sgt. Graner's one and only bonehead hard-club band
Sit back, so we can let you know.

Sgt. Graner's bonehead,
Sgt. Graner's bonehead,
Sgt. Graner's bonehead hard-club band.


Graner:
It's horrible to be here;
In fact, we're feeling ill
We hope you're a fair audience
We hope you'll send us home, no bust,
We hope you'll send us home.

We don't really want to see this show (trial),
But we think you really ought to know
That a pigeon's gonna sing a song,
And he hopes that you'll all go along.

JAG:
Now let me introduce to you,
The one who's first, Billyclub Shears
From Sgt. Graner's bonehead hard-club band.


With a Little Threat from My Friends

Shears:
What will you do when I've sung out my tune?
Will you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song,
Which will give all the facts that are key.

Oh, I got by with a little threat from my "friends."
And I got high with a little threat from my friends.
Not gonna fry to exculpate my friends.

But what will I do, now that they'll slip away?

Court:
Does it worry you to be alone?

Shears:
Hope you don't mean "in the hole" for a day.
And if so, could I have a cell phone?

Court:
Perhaps, if you are here to make amends.

Did you beat anybody?

Shears:
I jostled one with a shove.

Court:
Did you see any buddies?

Shears:
I saw one use a lead glove.
Would you believe that I don't like to fight?

Court:
Oh yes, we know that it happens all the time.
What did you do when they turned out the lights?

Shears:
If I tell you, then I won't do time?

Oh, I got by with a little threat from my "friends."
And I got high with a little threat from my friends.
Not gonna fry to exculpate my friends.