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Song Parodies -> "We Can't Let Them Ban Wither Guns"

Original Song Title:

"You Can't Get a Man With a Gun"

Parody Song Title:

"We Can't Let Them Ban Wither Guns"

Parody Written by:

Barry J. Mitchel

The Lyrics

Although I omitted two of the many stanzas of this original song about a responsible gun expert, I think that I covered most of the "other" factors that lead to mass shootings; they should be remedied before the Second Amendment is infringed. Caution: My description of the Sandy Hook School massacre is graphic.
Our awareness was heightened by a shooting that day;
At the Sandy Hook School kids were shot.
He'd been on his computer and he'd practiced at play,
And now tell me what has he wrought?
He's quick on the trigger with targets not much bigger
Than a six-year-old in Grade One.
Got six more who were teachers, just like those movie features
Where he'd pant for the man with a gun.

When he'd hold a pistol,
He'd sparkle like a crystal,
Yes, he'd shine as his mother's son.
But his mother had trusted
Until her head he busted;
Oh, you can't vet a man with a gun.
Not your hon, not your son, [1]
No, you can't let a man take your gun.

As he went to battle
Where no one else could rattle
Him at breaks when each clip was done,
There as he shot each teacher,
He'd holler "just a creature,"
'Cause you can't shoot a real
Person dead, and not feel,
If you don't let insanity run.

He's cool, brave and daring,
To see a "live one" staring
At the snout of his Remington; [2]
But one look from headmaster [3]
Would make him leave much faster,
'Cause he can't net a man with a gun.

Now those who are mighty
Would tell us that gun rights be
Just defined "what's designed to hunt." [4]
As they haunt us with traumas,
Di Feinstein and Obamas
On our heartstrings will tug,
Sweep rights under the rug,
But we can't let them ban "wither guns." [5]

[1] I don't mean to restrict culprits to one gender, although younger males certainly dominate.
[2] Bushmaster doesn't rhyme with gun; Thompson and Bushmaster Carbon are off-pace.
[3] or any armed adult
[4] NY Governor Andrew Cuomo implied that.
[5] Poetic-license name for "assualt rifles"

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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.3
How Funny: 2.3
Overall Rating: 2.3

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   1

User Comments

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Barry J. Mitchel - January 28, 2013 - Report this comment
Footnote [5] should say "assault weapons" to include semi-automatic pistols.
Old Man Ribber - January 28, 2013 - Report this comment
BJM - Well said and well done. It appears that you may have a whole musical in the works here. I used to hang out with Irving Berlin's brother Wesley. Surely you've heard of.....Wes Berlin! ;D

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