Simp'rin' Simon Says

They go there to seek fame;
They think they'll have fun,
They soon realize that's not true,
Once they have encountered Simp'rin' Simon. Rest
Assured that he is not going to pick you.
"Don't worry, I'll be fair,"
Simp'rin' Simon says,
"Just step up an sing loud,"
Simp'rin' Simon says,
You do just what he says,
Simp'rin' Simon says,
And you'll still be kicked out.

Bridge:
Simp'rin' Simon's head's
Wedged up where his vent's red;
By back bones it's stretched,
When it's dredged.
Simp'rin' Simon says
To his four-legged friends:
"Let your back bone stiff!"
Simon says.

You sing till you're near dead;
Simp'rin' Simon says,
With a tone that is snide,
Simp'rin' Simon says,
"Is your damn palate cleft?!"
Simp'rin' Simon says,
"Your voice is a fright!"

Suddenly you learn
How the game's played; you see,
He's going to be real hard on you.
You sing it once again
This time more forcefully.
But the winner ain't gonna be you.

"Take this crap off the air?"
Simp'rin' Simon says,
"We're on double time!"
Simp'rin' Simon says,
"Gonna cash in before,"
Simp'rin' Simon says,
"Folks regain their mind."
Simp'rin' Simon says,
"We've got a high-20s share!"
Simp'rin' Simon says,
"We're on double time!"
Simp'rin' Simon says,
"Gonna cash in before,"
Simp'rin' Simon says,
"Folks regain their mind."