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Song Parodies -> "The Nipple"

Original Song Title:

"The Middle"

Original Performer:

Zedd, Maren Morris & Grey

Parody Song Title:

"The Nipple"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "Turnin' It Up" self-challenge. The classic nonsense moral panic. Hideous violence? Fine. The accidental showing of a tiny part of a human body? HIDE THE CHILDRENS!!1
Nudity
I couldn't care if chests are bare
But it seems
That others send glares, it doesn't seem fair
When I swim with nothin' on my chest, they're not obsessive
Since male flesh grants no apprehension
So what seems bogus is when my girlfriend goes
And her swimsuit slips over, that's when all their stacks blow

Please tell me
Why are they all so scared of the nipple?
Makes them lose their minds just a little
They dive to cover kids' eyes from the nipple
Hate the nipple
Tell me
Why are they so damn scared of the nipple?
"It will taint young minds" Too minimal
To justify their hatred of the nipple
Hate the nipple

Oh-oh-oh, I'm half-dressed
And no-one's givin' half of a shit, this
Hurts my head
That these guys are gunnin' for her, it's bogus
Fine with seein' most of her breasts, only excessive
When the center's given attention
Was not on purpose that that part was on show
I know they'd still be jerkish if she fed her kid, though

Please tell me
Why must they all panic at the nipple?
Only draw the line at the middle
You look like fools when you scream at the nipple
Hate the nipple

Hammered in me all my life
I gave it no suspicion, the whole double standard lesson, oh, oh-oh-oh
I might still avert my eyes
It's a pure reflex habit, politeness is my practice

Still, tell me
Who decided we should ban the nipple?
Cause zoomed up on mine, it's official
There's no diff'rence between it and girl nipples
Hate the nipple, no, no
Tell me
Why do people freak out at bare nipples? Oh yeah-eah-eah
In movies or life, it's a riddle
So many pearls get clutched when folks see nipples, oh-oh
Hate the nipple
Tell me
What's exactly wrong about the nipple, buddy?
Excuses I find are pure drivel
Stop houndin' my girl for a sudden nipple, nipple
Hate the nipple, nipple

I came up with the title-sub well in advance of Tumblr's incredibly misguided and mishandled nudity crackdown, for what it's worth. The topic was always gonna be the same, though I did come up with said topic after chose the title, which was chosen because "nipple" is an inherently funny word.

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