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Song Parodies -> "Thick Pads"

Original Song Title:

"Big Plans"

Original Performer:

Why Don't We

Parody Song Title:

"Thick Pads"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

If you're a kid who's not into the sports balls, but you've been roped into the sports balls, what does one do to survive?
Am I safe? Am I fine? Those questions are on my mind
As I wait for sports ball
Never wanted this crap, forced to sign up by my dad
Real int'rest is sod all, uh
But the only good thing that I love?
Is that the uniform's all up to us
So you'll see I'll be fine once I've got this strapped on tight
Then I won't get bruised much

I got real thick pads, buddy, protectin' me
A couple of fryin' pans rubberbanded on my knees
Both my shoulder pads are pots that my mum no longer needs
So try to slam, try to slam through me
I got real thick pads, buddy, protectin' me
An oven tray on my ass, not just metal stuff, you see
'Cause without somethin' that's soft, all that edge would make me bleed
When people slam, when they slam through me

I got real thick pads
So tough, so tough, buddy
I got real thick pads
So tough, so tough, buddy

Strapped on tight all around, won't get hurt if I fall down
On my poor untrained rear, yeah
They won't crack out my teeth with this grate in front of me
Prepared for all my fears, yeah, uh
Sure, I can't run for shit now, that's true
Not a lot of movement range for my shoes
Give no shits, didn't want to run 'round and chase ball
I'm okay to stand there

With my real thick pads, buddy, protectin' me
Lots of cushions and some mattress parts are here underneath
All the metal shit I stole from some dumpster down the street
So try to slam, try to slam through me
I got real thick pads, buddy, protectin' me
I'm honestly shocked my dad didn't see my suit and freak
Wanted me to play the sports to be tough and all manly
Havin' kids slam, fit kids slam through me

Fine with my thick pads
So tough, so tough, buddy (oh, oh, oh-oh-oh)
I got real thick pads (oh, oh-oh)
So tough, so tough, buddy

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, get your slam on
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, come get your slam on
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, get your slam on, come and slam through me

I got real thick pads, buddy, protectin' me
I designed this thing to tank anything, anybody
Dad seems proud, even enough to let me quit once we see (buddy)
Other kids slam, those kids slam through me

I got real thick pads (ooh-ooh-oh)
So tough, so tough, buddy (you can't slam through me)
I got real thick pads (you can't slam through me)
So tough (oh, oh, oh-oh-oh), so tough, buddy
I got real thick pads

I'm just imagining this as a scene in a kid's show set in the UK, where the kid watched a lot of American sports balls, what with the giant shoulder pads and shit.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 29

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 5   27
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