What she just did was rude, bud (ev'rybody's so shocked 'cause ev'rybody else has got good table manners)
Whoo, hey, ow (ev'rybody's jaw's dropped 'cause ev'rybody's got a sense of table manners)
What should you do? Don't know, du-u-ude, oh-oh-oh (ev'rybody's eyes pop 'cause ev'rybody else knows decent table manners)
It's sti-ill not polite (oh-oh, yeah), yeah (ev'rybody's so shocked 'cause they're not happy, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (yeah, baby))

For once, we wanted some not-takeawa-ay (whoo, takeaway)
And so we picked out a real fancy-ass place (huh, whoo)
Huh, had to trim my bea-ea-eard (whoo), oh-oh yeah-eah
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (uh)
I was all psyched up for eatin' ou-out (whoo, ow)
But then my friend-who's-a-girl had to come round (oh-oh, huh)
Uh-uh, you know how she's wei-ei-ird (whoo), oh-oh yeah-eah
I-I-I-I had my foo-oo-ood
She wanted some too-oo-oo-oh-oh-oh
And ate my chips, that's just rude

Not a thing that you do (ev'rybody's so shocked 'cause)
She had her own plate, ri-ight (whoo) (ev'rybody else has got good table manners)
So the chip theft's nonsense (ev'rybody's jaw's dropped 'cause)
And also not ri-ight (ev'rybody's got a sense of table manners)
It's the tru-uth, it's plain ru-u-u-ude (ev'rybody's eyes pop 'cause)
To go take a big bi-ite (whoo, whoo) (ev'rybody else knows decent table manners)
Of someone else's gru-ub, bu-ud (ev'rybody's so shocked 'cause)
'Specially when the foo-ood's mine (they're not happy, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

At least she didn't backwash in my wi-ine (whoo)
But all those chips were still mine
Now all I really wanna do is (uh-huh)
Kick her in the rea-ea-ear (whoo), yeah-ee-yeah-ee-yeah
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Sure, she didn't touch this lovely stea-eak (whoo)
It's the principle of it that's in play, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
It's how my brain's gea-ea-eared, afraid it is
I-I-I-I love my foo-oo-ood
But she loves it too-oo-oo-oh-oh-oh
She ate my chips, that's just rude

Ain't a thing one should do (ev'rybody's so shocked 'cause)
Should not take what is mi-ine (whoo) (ev'rybody else has got good table manners)
Didn't take all of them (ev'rybody's jaw's dropped 'cause)
But she left just fi-ive (ev'rybody's got a sense of table manners)
Still the tru-uth that it's ru-u-u-ude (ev'rybody's eyes pop 'cause)
To pilfer any si-ize (whoo, whoo) (ev'rybody else knows decent table manners)
Portion of not-your-gru-ub, bu-ud (ev'rybody's so shocked 'cause)
'Specially when the foo-ood's mine (they're not happy, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

I-I-I-I wanted foo-oo-ood
She wanted some too-oo-oo-oh-oh-oh (whoo)
She ate my chips, that's just rude (yo)

She's such a jerky girl who's deservin' hurt
If she'd just said the word "please" 'twould nerf the jerk (whoo)
No, I guess her meal ain't worth a serve
You want my fried potato strips? Earn 'em, jerk
I said "Don't snatch my grub with your fingers, bud
Been a while since they've been washed, I can see the mud (whoo)
Like hell that it's gravy, your plate has none
Even if there was, you've been usin' your fork, you dunce (dunce)
Why, why, why take mine when you've got yours, prick?
I seem more mad than I should be? No shit (whoo)
I mentioned the wine before, I'm just a bit schlitzed
What do I want in return? You should pay for my meal, I'll feel better
I'll dob you in when the bill comes later (whoo)"
So that was that, I got mad, still am, right
A-A-A-A-Although it's been six weeks, anger's still high, uh

I-I-I-I need my foo-oo-ood
Sure, she needs it too-oo-oo-oh-oh-oh (whoo)
But stealin' chips? That's just rude

It's just not what to do (ev'rybody's so shocked 'cause)
Whenever hunger stri-ikes (whoo) (ev'rybody else has got good table manners)
And when you've got your lunch (ev'rybody's jaw's dropped 'cause)
In front of you, ri-ight (ev'rybody's got a sense of table manners)
Simple tru-uth, man, it's ru-u-u-ude (ev'rybody's eyes pop 'cause) (damn, man, I'm really shocked at this sheer bullshit)
To nick somebody's frie-ies (whoo, whoo) (ev'rybody else knows decent table manners) (damn, man, I'm really shocked at this sheer bullshit)
Or whatever they're ca-alled, bu-ud (ev'rybody's so shocked 'cause) (damn, man, I'm really shocked at this sheer bullshit)
For semantics, there's no-o time (they're not happy with your shitty table manners) (damn, man, I'm really shocked at this sheer bullshit)

Come on (damn, man, I'm really shocked at this sheer bullshit)
Wish she'd stop it (damn, man, I'm really shocked at this sheer bullshit) (I'm tryin' to get this in you) (whoo)
Cause it's stupid, so stupid (damn, man, I'm really shocked at this sheer bullshit) (come on)
Wish she'd stop it (damn, man, I'm really shocked at this sheer bullshit) (I'm tryin' to get this in you)
Cause it's stupid, so stupid (come on)
Wish she'd stop it (I'm tryin' to get this in you) (whoo)
Cause it's stupid, so stupid (come on)
Wish she'd stop it (I'm tryin' to get this in you) (whoo)
Cause it's stupid, so stupid
Yeah, c'mon (cause it's stupid, so stupid) (I'm really shocked at this sheer bullshit) (whoo)
C'mon, uh-huh, yo, yo (cause it's stupid, so stupid) (I'm really shocked at this sheer bullshit) (whoo)
I want revenge for your theft, buster
I'm not thinkin' like "Police, cuff her" (cause it's stupid, so stupid) (I'm really shocked at this sheer bullshit) (whoo)
More along the lines of "Next lunch, jerk
I'll steal your fries, you motherfucker, ahahahahaha" (cause it's stupid, so stupid) (I'm really shocked at this sheer bullshit)
Uh, whoo
Uh, whoo