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Song Parodies -> "Crap Printer"

Original Song Title:

"Good Kisser"

Original Performer:

Usher

Parody Song Title:

"Crap Printer"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my Pop Danthology 2014 self-challenge. Stupid unreliable technology...
Damn, not again
Why ain't this damn thing workin', buddy?
Wanna punch it, buddy, hate this

It's a pain to all my nerves tryna get this thing to work
Won't do what I want it to, ha
Major problem when the deadline is tomorrow
Can't nobody fix this thing, dude? Ha
Seems nobody can help me, dude, they all do the same thing, it's true: bang, bang, bang
Just whack it with their fist, it's true, but unlike the Fonz, won't work, dude, uh
It's five in the mornin', eyes are rollin', I just wanna print one thing, yeah
Da-da-da-do-do, uh
At five in the mornin', I can barely deal with these electronics, sucks
Da-da-da-do-do, see? It's broken

I just don't have the time
To wait for that damn mechanic guy
I really need that important file
This stupid thing's been clogged up all night
I've replaced the paper tray ten times
And it still says "paper jam", pure lie-ie-ies
This thing just eats my paper, why is it a keeper?
Cause it's such a cra-ap printe-e-e-er
Give that thing a swift kick, o-ow, buddy
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh (it's such a cra-ap printe-er), uh
Takes too long to print one page (oh), oh-oh, buddy
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, yes, this whole thing is worthless, uh

Ev'ry part of my brain hurts tryna get this thing to work
But it seems it hates me, dude, yeah (oh-oh-ho-oh-oh)
It keeps poppin' up with seven brand new problems
Despite ev'rything that I do, ha
I hate how it beeps and then boops with no obvious reason, du-ude, bang, bang, bang
Come on, damn thing, work with me, dude, just do what I want you to do-o-o, uh
I'm su-u-ure there's been zero days when this contraption's worked how I want it, haha
Da-da-da-do-do, same goes for the other workers
Always a bad connection, damn computer, shitty, shitty cra-ap, ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ate (hoo-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Da-da-da-do-do (oh-oh-oh-oh), damn it, do what I want, you bastard (hoo)

I really do despise
Workin' with this thing ev'ry damn night
The cables just never plug in right
The hum of the scanner hurts my mind
I'm honestly pretty damn surprised
That nobody else round here has trie-ie-ie-ie-ied
To call up our employers to get a better
Less completely cra-a-a-a-ap printe-e-e-er (printe-er)
It blurs up all the text (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh), oh-oh, buddy
Oh-oh, yeah-eah, oh, rea-ea-eally-y-y-y cra-a-ap printe-e-e-er (it's such a crap printe-er, crap)
Churns out crap page after page, oh-oh, buddy
Ah-ah-ah-ah, listen

Nobody else I know
Can say it contributes to good work flow
It takes a dozen slaps to make it go (ooh-hoo-ooh-ooh)
Asshole, work with me, bastard, work with me, come on, work with me
Can't, can't take it anymore
The unendin' delays, they I abhor (ooh-hoo-ooh-ooh)
I wanna swing a cricket bat at its core
Don't lie now, buddy (hey), know you would join me (ho), you so would join me (he-e-e-ee-hey-ee-ee-ee-yeah-eah-eah)

Smash it good, bash it right (oh)
Lift it up, out the window to fly (out the window to fly-y-y) (ooh-ooh-hoo-ooh-ooh)
Bash it good (oh), smash it right (uh-huh) (I-I-I-I-I)
Pick it up, gonna see if it flies (ooh-ooh-ooh)
Smash it good (yeah), bash it right (uh-huh) (uh-uh)
Hoist it up, wanna make the thing fly (ooh-ooh-hoo-ooh-ooh)
Bash it good (oh), smash it right (yeah)
Raise it up, gonna see if it flies, printe-er (su-u-u-u-u-u-u-uch a-a-ha cra-ap printe-e-er)
It breaks down so damn quick, oh-oh, buddy
Oh-oh (oh), oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (it's really ba-ad)
Shit (cra-ap) printe-er (printe-e-e-e-e-er)
A machine of random hate (ha-ates all of us, ma-a-a-a-a-ee-ate), oh-oh, buddy
Oh-oh-oh, I, uh-uh-huh

Even when it wants to work, damn thing always shifts and jerks
Gettin' good print work's a fluke (ah-ah-ha-ah-ah)
Only positive: it doesn't need my dollars
Still blows, it's the only real truth, ha
There's nobody who can get you to work without thumpin' on you, bang, bang, bang
That still only works for a few damn minutes, I'm so sick of you, ah, ah

And it’s as if the computer is going, “I’m not sure what you’re trying to do.”
“I’m trying to print! “Ctrl+P” print!”
“Ah, but there’s something you haven’t done…”
“What? Tell me what it is, I’ll do it! I’ll do it! I’ve got it here…”
“No, I can’t tell you.”

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