I wish I could go out
I have to stay in

New fans
I'm always bein' beset by my new fans
Wouldn't hurt
Except the method of connection gets worse
I'd be happy with a tweet
And not twenty-five of you when I'm tryin' to eat
My new fans
Why must they always be rude fans?
I have no problem with the odd autograph
Once was happy to meet new fans
Most of them were really good to me
But way too many times, it's complete insanity

Can't stand those fans who break into my yard
Asshole fans who think that I'm too harsh
Damnin' fans who stalk me to the bar
Not okay to barge in on me, you see

New fans
Hate to be snide and rude to new fans
But when I find them inside my bought cab
How can I sit and not just boot fans?
The fansites portray me as a freak
"Why won't he capitulate and talk to us geeks?"

Can't stand those fans who think I'm bein' harsh
Mad at fans who block my shoppin' cart
Lash at fans who find me in the dark
It's not right to barge in on me, you see
But I, I can't escape from the work cause it pays
So I, I just seethe, roll my eyes, sometimes pray
That those asshole fans stop approachin' my car
Ban those fans from the streets where I park

I had a life off the screen and the stage
All gone now, might be driven insane
By ev'ryone lookin' up my house to show up at it
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah

Have good fans but it's been kinda hard
Thankin' fans in a manner not harsh
Have those fans who suck on my mind hard
Cause they always barge in on me, you see
No I, I can't escape from the jerks in my way
When I, I can see seventeen in my place
Can't I slap those fans? No, that would be too harsh
Can't hurt fans, surely they mean no harm