In my car I hear a ding
I think I know just what that means
Stupid driver crashing in
I'm going to take you to court
It was just one parking space,
There was no need for us to race,
I'll write down your number plate.

Write my name, and say why,
This is the biggest form I've ever seen,
You don't seem like a nice guy,
And it states in paragraph three
That you have to make amends
By paying me in dividends
These repairs cost thirty grand
You might need to borrow that money from a good friend...

So I'm gonna be real clever,
I'm gonna drown you in claims,
I've got a lot of tricks to show ya
And this is not a game,
Got a really good team of lawyers
I'm going to win my case
I will ask for lots of favours
So write down your name!

'Cause you're driving was reckless,
That was my favourite car
I'll leave you penniless
You won't know who you are
Borrow money from your brothers,
Your bank account will drain
This was my parking space matey
So I'll make a claim.

The jury seem like such nice guys,
I hope this means that I will win,
The claim money is the prize,
I don't care if I'm being mean
Show mercy I'm afraid not,
I'll take my lawyers out to lunch
This court case is gonna be fun, let's go.

Scratching, smashing, wrecking doors
Hopefully this time you'll learn
Even though I beeped my horn,
I should've taken my bike,
Instead of my Ferrari,
You should not drive in to me,
But looked for one that was empty
'Cause rather than park there, you bumped into me

I can't wait 'til it's over
And I've made a successful claim,
I should have just kicked your Rover,
But instead I wrote down your name,
And hired a team of lawyers,
To put you in the frame,
But now I know what your name is,
I'll win this case!

Because I'm so unscrupulous,
You shouldn't have parked where you are
Why were you so careless
To go and scratch my car,
You must be a learner driver,
This was my parking space matey
So I'll make a claim

Give me the name of the guy who taught you,
He must be the worst one in California,
Give me the name of the guy who taught you,
He must be the worst one in California,

I admit I wasn't clever
And I was too quick to blame,
It was me that bumped your Rover
And I wrote down your name
Here's some money I hope it covers
This won't happen again
I didn't think I was going to say this...
I am quite ashamed!

It was I who was reckless,
And I dented your car
You will not be penniless,
'Cause I'll repair your car

I'll send the bill to my lawyers
And give you some champagne,
It was anyone's parking space matey,
So I'll take back my claim.