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Song Parodies -> "Valentines"

Original Song Title:

"Back in Time"

Original Performer:

Pitbull

Parody Song Title:

"Valentines"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

There's being sad. There's being lonely. Then there's just being a performative hateful douchecanoe.
Look, I hear you, buddy
You're feelin' cruddy
Man, once could feel you, buddy
Now hate to be near you, buddy
I've heard you, buddy
You've been hurt, buddy
Told me so wordy, buddy
But now you unnerve me, buddy
Whine

When it becomes time, the one day the world decides, huh
To make deals of love, you make the time to whine
Val- (val-) en- (en-) tines

Buddy
Oh-oh, buddy
Oh-oh, buddy
My poor buddy
Suck it up
Oooooh whoo (I hate your whingin')!

"Heart's stabbed (uh-huh), heart's blown (uh-huh)"
That's the kinda thing you post online, I skip it
"Heart's blue (oh yeah), mine hurts (that's right)
Heart pictures on the web hurt mine"
It's all the same near ev'ry day
Really wishin' that you would stop, mate
Nobody needs the billionth mis'rable tweet sent
Understand? Doubt you could
You're a big whinger, "loser lover"? Shut up
You've never tried to try another someone
One woman lacked feelin's for you sucks, but
Not a philosophy basis, douche
Clog up ev'ry blog post (hahaha)
With all your "damn, single" whines (heheh)
You're an even bigger douchebag
The week that it's Valentines (whoo!)

Buddy
Oh-oh, buddy
Oh-oh, buddy
My sad buddy
Suck it up
Oooooh whoo!

You're so alone, yeah, that explains our long chats
About all your bitchin', don't be a twat (hahahaha)
So you've no girl?
See this blank-faced look I always have (ha)?
You're so stupid (haha), can't tell no woman wants to
Date somebody who posts those tweets, heh, I know no woman wants to (haha)
I feel strong with that call
"Man, they're just judgin' me, that's all"
You've written them all off first, that's all
"Only like the bad-boy jerks"? Bad call (yeah)
All these nasty thoughts (hahaha)
Escape the back of your mind (heheh)
The incel-iness gets worse when
It gets close to Valentines (whoo!)

Buddy
Oh-oh, buddy
Oh-oh, buddy
My poor buddy
Suck it up

Why so moody, buddy?
If it's true, buddy
You hate things smooch-y, buddy
And that love's "too gooey", buddy
Why be moody, buddy?
Just be you, buddy
It's no "come do me", buddy
That makes the girls soon leave, buddy
Yikes

Buddy
My sad buddy
My poor buddy
My sad buddy
Douchebag buddy
Oh-oh, buddy
Oh-oh, buddy
My poor buddy
Suck it up

A happy song now about a man angry about a fake sad man. Emotional dissonance: you're soaking in it!

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Total Votes: 1

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