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Song Parodies -> "Richard Nixon vs. Richard Dawson"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Richard Nixon vs. Richard Dawson"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Nixon was the 37th President of the United States, serving from 1969 to 1974. Through 2020, he remains the only one who has ever resigned the office. Even before he was President, he was one of the most despicable politicians in American history. His tenure in the White House made it worse. Dawson was an English actor, part of the cast of "Hogan's Heroes," then part of company of "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In," then a regular panelist on "Match Game," and finally, from 1976 to 1985, the host of the game show "Family Feud." What Dawson thought of Nixon can occasionally be heard on reruns of "Match Game" on the cable TV channels Game Show Network and Buzzr. What Nixon thought of Dawson has never been made public. Maybe it's on one of the as-yet-classified Oval Office Tapes.
("Hail to the Chief" plays)

Epic Rap Battles of History!

Richard Nixon!

vs....

Richard Dawson!

Begin!

(Nixon)
Let me just say this
and make it perfectly clear:
I spit fire, but you're lukewarm
like your English beer.
Your style doesn't tax me
unlike Spiro's.
You should've surrendered
while you were one of Hogan's Zeros.
More States voted for me
than broadcast your game.
The Silent Majority
have forgotten your name.
Like antiwar demonstrators
you're a little loony.
We were both on Laugh-In
but you could never sock it to me!

(Dawson)
So the San Clemente Kid
a scandalous dude
wants to take on the MC
of Family Feud.
My rhymes will hit you like
my homeland's buses: Double deckers.
You're still mad that the media
dogged you -- with fact checkers.
You thought firing half your staff
would get your 2nd term completed.
But like your tapes’ expletives
you were deleted.
You thought the college kids
and the hippies were scuzzy.
Tricky Dick was SO dumb!
(Audience)
How dumb WAS he?

(Nixon)
All that kissing you did
on 1980s' screens
would never be allowed
in the time of COVID-19!
I always came back
from my many scrapes.
But those Match Game suits?
They shoulda burned THOSE tapes!
I gave the nation OSHA
and the Treaty of Paris
while you’re a worse game show
host than Chuck Barris!
You’re up Saddle River
without a paddle.
I am not a crook:
I didn’t need to steal
to win this battle!

(Dawson)
This is gonna decide it.
Dollar values are tripled.
And your self-preservation
left the economy crippled.
You got pardoned, so no jail
and didn’t pay any fines.
But you went from Air Force One
to El Cheapo Airlines!
Like Kennedy, women love me
and I’m hot on the mike.
And your Frost interview?
That was your 3rd strike!
That promise you made in '62
and should've kept in '74?
Now, we don't have Nixon
to kick around anymore.

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!

Epic...

("Family Feud" theme plays)

Rap Battles of History!

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Pacing: 1.8
How Funny: 1.8
Overall Rating: 1.8

Total Votes: 16

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