Epic Rap Battles of History!

Mark Twain!

vs....

Yogi Berra!

Begin!

(Twain)
I come into this battle
with the intention to bleed you.
Man is the only animal that blushes
and you're going to need to!
You might be a titan
of New York sport
but you'd fail as a Connecticut Yankee
in King Arthur's court!
You'd never make it on a boat
on the Mississippi.
You quit playing in the Sixties
but you sure sound trippy!
They called you "The Ape" because you're ugly
but I always looked fly.
You might be a catcher
but I'm the one who's in the wry!

(Berra)
I'd like to thank Nice Peter
and Epic Loyd, who are legendary
for making this battle
epically necessary.
This is one fork in the road
that you shouldn't take.
Stepping to me
was a wrong mistake!
Like a New York pizza
you'll meet your fate:
I'll cut you into six slices
'cause I can't eat eight!
Both our reputations for quotes
are a bit overstated
but reports of you winning this battle
are greatly exaggerated!

(Twain)
It ain't the things you say that make no sense
that get out of hand.
What bothers me are the ones
that I do understand!
I came and left
with Halley's Comet
but you dragged Charley over the cold cuts
and that'll make people vomit!
I've read your "philosophy"
and attempted to find a plot
and now I think both of
our brains have been shot!
When in doubt, I prefer
to say things that are true.
God made the Idiot for practice
and then He made you!

(Berra)
I ain't scared of you
or your jumping frog.
I'll win despite being
an overwhelming underdog!
I hit balls over fences
that Tom Sawyer couldn't paint.
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore
and you also ain't!
I know I shouldn't
get into specifics
but you've got the damned lies
and I've got the statistics!
You can observe a lot by watching
and my observations are done.
It ain't over 'til it's over
but this battle's another thing I've won!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!

Epic...

(opening notes of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game")

Rap Battles of History!