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Song Parodies -> "Bones vs. Bones"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Bones vs. Bones"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

The original ERB guys did Captain Kirk vs. Christopher Columbus. I've already done Scotty vs. Ducky (from NCIS -- which, like Bones, was set in Washington, D.C.). Now comes another battles that's out of this world.
Epic Rap Battles of History!

Dr. Leonard McCoy!


Dr. Temperance Brennan!

That's right:





I'm a doctor, not a rapper
(holds up a hypo-spray)
but I'll give it a shot
against this early
21st Century thot!
I'm a Starfleet officer.
You're a space cadet.
I'm light-years ahead of you:
You ain't seen nothing yet!
I've cured diseases
unknown in your time.
You use a wack intuition
to solve some crime!
Your scriptwriters left you
with lots of shlock!
I've seen wittier banter
between a Klingon and Spock!

Klingon banter?
I don't know what that means.
But you'd be useless
at our crime scenes!
I'm a Ph.D.
totally methodical.
Spock is right:
You're highly illogical!
You can't beat me
And that's the truth!
I've got a feel for crime-solving
and also for Booth!
It's exceedingly easy
to rap against you.
I'll call you "Leonard Coy"
'cause there's no "MC" in you!

Damn it, Temperance!
You can't flow with McCoy!
That verse had no fun in it
though your real name is Joy!
You're not a Wonder Woman!
You're a hot mess!
You'd never make it down the block
at NCIS!
You've got a degree
in kinesiology
but your style doesn't move me.
I deserve an anthro-pology!
My diagnosis for you
is very grim.
My tricorder shows no life in you...
(dramatic pause)
She's dead, Jim!

Really, Doctor?
Your diagnosis is faulty.
I'm gonna leave you like
your ex-girlfriend Nancy:
I bring killers to justice
and give victims back their dignity.
You argue with everyone
in perpetuity!
Your medical journal articles
can't match the books I wrote.
In television history
you're just a footnote!
Even Doogie Howser
is a better doctor, you turd!
In this battle, you were never
going to get the last word!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!


(sound of McCoy's medical tricorder -- doesn't necessarily mean he won)

Rap Battles of History!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Patrick - May 16, 2019 - Report this comment
You've still got it. I know who Dr McCoy is, not familiar with the other gal. I like the "anthro-opology" line.
Dylan Baranski - May 16, 2019 - Report this comment
I've never watched any of the Epic Rap Battles of History videos, but I liked this one, so here's 555 tricorders for you.
TJC - May 17, 2019 - Report this comment
It's amazing how accomplished you are--especially shining in this difficult format. So many clever lines spanning so many wide and specific note-perfect references over so many battles. Awesome work as always! I'm a huge fan.

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