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Song Parodies -> "Army vs. Navy"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Army vs. Navy"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I once saw a rap battle between a real-life ex-Army Ranger and a real-life ex-Navy SEAL. The SEAL had the better lines, but the Ranger was the better rapper. With the annual Army-Navy football game coming this Saturday, I thought of this. Not having served with either, I didn’t want to favor either. My father and both grandfathers both served in the Army, but while all were proud of their service, none particularly liked it, so that’s no reason to favor the Army. Since “Army” usually comes before “Navy” in thought, and definitely does alphabetically, I put the Army first – which means the Navy gets the last word. You are, of course, free to decide for yourself who won. They both secure that right for you.

Now hear this!
Now hear this!

Epic Rap Battles of History!

The U.S. Army!


The U.S. Navy!


I’m going great guns
and I’ll put you to the sword.
We founded this country
at Lexington and Concord!
We’ve had the baddest badasses
who would ever trouble you.
Starting with the Founding Father:
The original George W!
Jackson and Taylor
Grant and Sherman
TR, Ike and Patton
who would leave any enemy squirmin’!
Who you got to claim
to come back harder?
John McCain?
The first George Bush?
And Jimmy Carter?

Who did we have?
What else do I
have to say?
We had the SEALs
who left bin Laden dead!
So damn your rap torpedoes:
I’m goin’ full speed ahead!
We had John Paul Jones
so don’t be a hater.
And to rock your bones
we had Stephen Decatur!
Farragut and Dewey
Nimitz and Halsey.
The Marines report to us
‘cause we’re so damn ballsy!

In the military crop
we remain the cream.
We invented the Air Force
while you were still using steam!
We froze at Valley Forge
and burned in Iraq
but you were the mere
support to our attack!
We beat the Kaiser and Hitler
and Robert E. Lee.
Even Southern Governors
found out you don’t mess with me!
One hundred sailors
might flow today
but they’ll be green with jealousy
like my beret!

Your West Point simply
can’t flow to this:
The depth charge crew
of Norfolk and Annapolis!
We’ve got the Enterprise
to blow anyone away!
You don’t wanna
meet us Midway!
We made possible the victory
of Operation Overlord.
That’s D-Day, so show some respect
or it’ll be “Man overboard!”
The whole world copies us
because of our fame.
Report: Sighted battle-rapper.
Sank same.

Who won?
Who’s next?
You decide!



Rap Battles of History!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.2
How Funny: 2.2
Overall Rating: 2.2

Total Votes: 20

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   14
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

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Patrick - December 07, 2018 - Report this comment
This is one of your best. My Dad was in the Army in WWII. My brother had 3 sons and a daughter in the Navy at the same time. "green with envy like my beret" and "Sighted battle rapper, sank same" are some great lines. Glad I caught this one. Got to get back to the TV, History channel is showing "Patton". Weird coincidence, the security code for this comment is XKE, the subject of a great car song. Lennie and I were just discussing famous car songs of the rock era and their parodies.

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