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Song Parodies -> "Felix Unger vs. Oscar Madison"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Felix Unger vs. Oscar Madison"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his wife. Deep down, he knew she was right. But he also knew that, one day, he would return to her. Without nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison. Several years earlier, Madison's wife had thrown him out, requesting that he never return. Can two divorced men share an apartment, without having a rap battle? After 47 years, we now have the answer: No.
Epic Rap Battles of History!

Felix Unger!


Oscar Madison!


Oh, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar!
Look at this mess!
You don't know how to clean up
and you don't know how to dress!
I'm a commercial photographer.
Portraits a specialty.
But these clothes strewn all over
is a picture no one should see!
I cooked all day for you.
My dinner is ruined!
You should've called to say it's overtime
between the Rangers and Bruins!
This may be the Seventies
but there's phones at the Garden!
Heh! Heh!
My sinus are startin'!

Felix, Felix, Felix!
This is MY apartment!
Get outta here if dealing with me
is not your department!
What would Sigmund Freud say
about that honking?
It's sex-related! You didn't do it
when you had a wife for bonking!
I don't have that problem.
I get women. I'm a boaster.
They don't criticize my manners
or tell me to use a coaster!
And who serves croquettes
at a poker game?
Your voice is whiny
and your rapping is lame!

You have to remember:
My style is orchestral.
Your bars are filthy
and completely ineffectual!
I'm in great shape
which your ulcer is aflame
and your ex-wife outshone you
on the Match Game!
I am class personified.
That's my line.
I can even make
a plaid jacket look fine!
I'll get Gloria back
with my refined street cred.
I'm dropping the hammer:
Let it be on your head!

Oh yeah? In two days
she'll have you sleeping on the couch!
My name may be Oscar
but you make everyone a grouch!
She'll throw you out again.
You don't know what to do with her!
It's clearer than the fingerprint-smeared
plaque on my Pulitzer!
You're so perfect, but so flawed.
No one can stand ya!
You're as bad on the East Side
as the West Side's George Costanza!
I oughta belt ya
like a fight in hockey!
Then I'll turn into Quincy
and do your autopsy!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!


(sound of Felix's honking)

Rap Battles of History!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.1
How Funny: 3.1
Overall Rating: 3.1

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   8
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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Patrick - November 13, 2017 - Report this comment
Epic battle between two characters who did have epic battles. A TV theme that lives on in reruns and remakes.
Claude Prez - November 13, 2017 - Report this comment
This is great; I love it when you do these
Jeff Reuben - December 07, 2017 - Report this comment
I have to thank Claude for bringing this to my attention through the November thread. Great idea, this was excellent!

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