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Song Parodies -> "Frankie Avalon vs. Brian Wilson"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Frankie Avalon vs. Brian Wilson"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Spending a cold Thanksgiving weekend in a beach town is a surreal experience. But, sometimes, surreal can be good. It inspired me to write this battle between the founder of the Beach Boys and the male lead of the 1960s Beach Party movies.
Epic Rap Battles of History!

Frankie Avalon!


Brian Wilson!


I'm in this battle.
Because I wanna beat this fool.
He's not cool enough
to be true to his school.
I was a legend before
anybody heard of you Boys.
I was rockin' on "Bandstand"
while you just made garage noise.
Your Daddy issues make the Jackson 5
look like "The Andy Griffith Show."
You were beatin' off in your sandbox
while I was a-nettin' Funicello.
I'm a legend, a hepcat
a classic paisan.
I even got impersonated
by the super-cool Fonz!

I'm glad I'm deaf in one ear
so I can just hear half your rap.
I wrote "Help Me Rhonda."
"Dede Dinah?" What is that crap?
You were Dick Clark's b****
before you were Funicello's
and when you sang "Gingerbread"
EVERYBODY held his nose!
You call yourself a legend?
You say that you were rocking?
Then explain that horses*** song
"Bobby Socks to Stockings!"
I'll knock you to Venus.
The planet, not the goddess!
We both say we're legends
but I'm the one who's honest!

Please. You were a passe cliche
when LBJ was still President.
I was box office gold
in Hollywood's firmament!
Today, I'm the king
of the oldies circuit's entertainment
while you're best remembered
as Eugene Landy's failed experiment!
Your own cousin fired you
from the very band you founded.
And Dennis hung out with Charles Manson.
That's not very well-grounded!
Johnston's a Tea Partier
and he's smarter than Jardine.
Come to South Philly, I'll slice you up
like an L.A. suburban sardine!

Presidents? I hit Number 1
in Reagan's last days.
You were washed-up
at the start of JFK's!
No "greatest" list has your songs
and they're not your creations.
I can give your Disney girl
some real good vibrations!
You've become as forgotten
as Creed and Kasabian
but you weren't the lamest
'cause that would be Fabian.
The Beatles made "Sgt. Pepper"
because I made "Pet Sounds."
So begat deez 409s
you kinescope clown!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!


Ooh wee ee ooooooooh...

Rap Battles of History!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.6
How Funny: 3.4
Overall Rating: 3.4

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   5
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Patrick - December 01, 2014 - Report this comment
Liked that line about "a-nettin' Funicello. Most of the people I meet these days don't remember the Reagan years, let alone JFK and LBJ. Or remember who Charles Manson is/was. Comparison between Jacksons and Andy Griffith resonate with someone my age. You've got a good thing going with these rap battles.

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