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Song Parodies -> "Dirty Harry vs. Gibbs"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Dirty Harry vs. Gibbs"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

The original ERB had Clint Eastwood, in his "Man With No Name" garb, take on Bruce Lee. But how does Inspector Callahan match up against the baddest dude on TV today? Note: Dirty Harry, and Steve McQueen's Frank Bullitt, were both based on a real-life San Francisco cop Dave Toschi, who unsuccessfully tracked the Zodiac Killer. The Zodiac became "The Scorpio Killer," played by Andy Robinson, who got so many threats from people who thought he really was a killer that he had to change his professional name. As "Andrew J. Robinson," he played Liberace in a TV-movie, JFK on "The Twilight Zone," and Garak on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine."
Epic Rap Battles of History!

San Francisco Police Department
Harry Callahan!


Naval Criminal Investigative Service
Special Agent
Leroy Jethro Gibbs!


I'm goin' ahead
'cause it'll make my day
to put this aging
Navy cop away!
You got a set o' rules?
Too soon you've spoken
'cause I think rules are
made to be broken!
I don't need no GPS'es
or facial recognition software
to catch dirtbags by the Bay
or, for that matter, anywhere!
So let me give you a crimefighting
and a rapping lesson:
All I need to beat you
is rhymes, Smith and Wesson!

Rule Number 1:
Never step to me.
I'm a better crimefighter
than you can ever be.
Catching killers and terrorists
from home base in D.C.
and I don't need cigarettes
just some real "Marine coffee"!
That Zodiac copycat
spent most o' your movie sassin'.
He was ten times tougher
when he played a Cardassian!
So shave those sideburns
and lose the brown suit.
This Marine's telling you:
You can't HANDLE the truth!

Your clothes are lame
and your rhymes are sucky.
So ask yourself a question, punk:
"Do I feel lucky?"
Your posse is wack.
McGee's a nerdy bozo.
And you're not the only one
who should slap DiNozzo!
You can't keep a good girl
on your team.
Kate's dead, Ziva's gone
and Bishop's too green.
While Abby's read too many
of the Grimm Brothers' fables.
I'm gonna leave you sprawled out
on Ducky's table!

You and what army?
You can't direct or act.
I'm gonna give your ugly face
a sudden impact!
I'll knock you to St. Elsewhere.
In Chicago, you won't have Hope.
I wouldn't trust you to arrest
a college kid selling dope!
I'm an old-school sniper
makin' a statement:
I'll leave you buried underneath
the boat in my basement!
You think you can outshoot me
or out-rhyme me in this song?
Rule Number 51:
Sometimes... you're wrong!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!



Rap Battles of History!

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.1
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   6
 2   2
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Timmy1000 - November 25, 2014 - Report this comment
You must have been watching too many movies and too much TV. You have both down pretty well. 5's for you or was it 6, do you feel lucky?
Patrick - November 25, 2014 - Report this comment
You just made my day.

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