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Song Parodies -> "King Henry VIII vs. Pope Francis I"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"King Henry VIII vs. Pope Francis I"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

The original ERB guys wanted to do Henry VIII vs. Hillary Clinton, but they say they weren't satisfied with the results. Much like Henry with his 6 wives. So I decided put him up against the current successor to the Pope he tried to teach a lesson almost 500 years ago.
(choir sings over church bells)

Epic Rap Battles of History!

King Henry VIII!


Pope Francis I!


It’s the Notorious B.I.G.
of all the U.K.
and I don’t need you to tell me
of Gloria Dei!
I had me three Catherines
two Annes and a Jane
and enough mistresses
to drive you insane!
I’ve never yet met a Pope
who was dope in the right way.
I’m a f***in’ dictator:
It’s my way or the highway!
I’m head of government, head of state
and even head of The Church!
I’m a lover like Gomez Addams.
You look more like Lurch!

Look, I get it:
You fell in love
while married to someone else
and needed guidance from above.
But you didn’t have to have
your second wife killed.
Now, like a good steak
you’re getting Argentine grilled!
You found the wrong way
to get Aragon’s substitution.
For your sins with Boleyn
there is no absolution!
You charged HER with adultery
you fat hypocrite?
History condemns you:
You’ll never hear the end of it!

I separated from Rome
So my marriages don’t concern you.
You want a stake? You got it:
‘Cause I’m gonna burn you!
I killed Scots and Frenchmen
and you’re not the first Francis I
that I’ve taken on and beaten
but you might be the worst!
You’ve got nothing to say
about sex, ‘cause you’re celibate!
You got a sister? I’ll f*** her
just for the hell of it!
I’m a Towering figure!
Completely legen –
Wait for it --
And I’ve destroyed you
like you were a monastery!

All the world admires me.
You’re no hotstepper.
Wife Number 5 gave you
poetic justice with Culpeper!
You got outshined by your daughter
but she didn’t extend the House of Tudor.
Your line’s stopped. Maybe you should’ve
called Roto-Rooter!
God's given us the same number of living
legitimate descendants!
You’re a monster of history
while I’m truly transcendent!
Your reputation has
withered on the vine.
You’ll notice England’s never had
a Henry Number IX!

Who won?
Who’s next?
You decide!


(choir and bells return)

Rap Battles of History!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.2
How Funny: 2.4
Overall Rating: 2.4

Total Votes: 32

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   22
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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Patrick - November 21, 2016 - Report this comment
Too bad everyone seems to have missed this venture into history. You have a way of blending facts and verse that is amazing. Like that line about same number of legitimate descendants and the fact that there was never a Henry IX.

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