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Song Parodies -> "Crash Davis vs. Pedro Cerrano"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Crash Davis vs. Pedro Cerrano"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I've considered this one for a while, and now, they finally settle a dispute that goes back to 1989. "Major League" was such an obvious ripoff of "Bull Durham," but that doesn't mean that Crash (Kevin Costner) can outrap Pedro (Dennis Haysbert). He's gonna have to earn this one.
(sound of a baseball being hit)

Epic Rap Battles of History!

Crash Davis!


Pedro Cerrano!


Leave Jobu behind, Meat.
You're better off without it.
You're not gonna beat me
'cause you're already thinkin' about it!
I'm gonna break your teeth
rip out your tonsils and adenoids.
What's the secret to your power?
Sure looks like steroids!
I got an English professor.
She's a sex machine.
While you're gettin' busy
with a polish and Sheen!
So take your voodoo crap
on back to Cuba
or I'll smack a line drive
right on through ya!

Is very bad... Crash's rapping.
Is very bad.
Twenty-one days in the majors?
I think they call that a "fad."
I got to the playoffs
with the Cleveland Indians.
Your Durham Bulls were as silly
as a bunch of minions.
I'm a real voodoo priest
unlike your bush-league first baseman.
And I didn't even need
to sacrifice a live chicken!
You as flabby as Buddha
and like Roger Dorn, dumb.
I think you stole too much
of Jobu's rum!

Is that the best you got?
You ain't very fly.
Like James Bond in the Caribbean
I'm gonna live and let die!
I may be a catcher
but you're gonna catch hell.
I think you already caught something:
That ain't incense, that smell!
You have no marbles!
And you know I mean "balls"!
By the time you're my age
you'll be security in a mall!
This battle is over.
Run back to your Mommy.
Unless she ratted you
out to the Commies!

Your rhymes are weak.
Your words, they fail ya.
Like you did as the manager
in A-ball in Visalia!
You cannot match
the flows I command.
Like an Allstate customer
your neck is in good hands!
I'm a Pennant winner.
You're an aging chump
like your ginger wife who's thrown
Hillary overboard for Trump!
This ain't no field of dreams.
Your movie was a fluke
and like your pitching protege
you just got Nuked!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!


Da da da DAT da DA... CHARGE!

Rap Battles of History!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 1.9
How Funny: 1.8
Overall Rating: 1.8

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   20
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   5

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🐸 - May 24, 2016 - Report this comment
I liked it.

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