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Song Parodies -> "Andrew Jackson vs. Winston Churchill"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Andrew Jackson vs. Winston Churchill"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I've been looking for an opponent for Jackson for a while. I thought of Theodore Roosevelt, but the resulting explosion might have wiped out the entire Alpha Quadrant of the galaxy. But there's nothing Old Hickory hated more than the British. He had some reason. And who was more British than Sir Winston? He had the bearing of nobility (which he was), and the drinking and swearing habits of a soccer hooligan. It's on now, chaps.
Epic Rap Battles of History!

Winston Churchill!


Andrew Jackson!


I bring you greetings
from Blenheim Palace.
I'm about to show you
some imperial malice.
Like my Royal Air Force
I'm going to spit fire.
Don't judge me by my height:
Short Brits defend their shire!
I left the Cabinet
to join the boys in the trench
but even the Great War
doesn't match your stench.
You wasted your time
defending Peggy Eaton.
Like the Luftwaffe
you're going to get a beatin'.

Is that the best y'all can do?
That's not your finest hour.
Don't tell me about smells, dawg:
You need a f***in' shower!
When I'm through with you
you'll need warm English beers.
You can keep sweat and toil:
I'm gonna bring your blood and tears!
You can't touch me
you fat little poof!
I got the record to prove
that I'm f***in' bulletproof!
I'll fight you anywhere
and you should surrender
and then go off with Tony Eden
for an epic bender!

I will fight you on the beaches
in the fields, streets and hills.
Like a national bank
I'm going to give you chills.
Did you ever read a book?
I've written plenty.
And you just got your ugly face taken
off of the twenty!
I bitch-slapped Hitler.
You massacred Indians.
Your actions are disgraceful:
There's just no defendin' 'em!
Go back to your Hermitage.
I've beaten you.
Never has so much wack
been whacked by so few.

Who are you to talk about
killing Indians?
You set the stage for the deaths
of millions of Muslims and Hinduans!
I conquered Florida
and beat your kind at N'Awlins
while your bungle at Gallipoli
was truly appallin'!
I never lost an election
'cept the one that was stolen.
You got the Order of the Boot
in the first postwar pollin'!
I've beaten ya so bad
it's really disturbin'!
So put down that cigar
and enjoy some Tennessee bourbon!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!


Yee... haw!

Rap Battles of History!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.2
How Funny: 2.2
Overall Rating: 2.2

Total Votes: 34

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   23
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Rob Arndt - May 06, 2016 - Report this comment
This was good, 555, but Churchill vs either Hitler or Goering would have been better!
Michael Pacholek - May 06, 2016 - Report this comment
Hitler was already used by the original guys, in a trilogy against Darth Vader. Now, some ERB guys want Hitler to face Kylo Ren: "I will finish what you started." But if that's the case, then Kylo should face Hitler's grandson. Which would also be somebody ERB has already used: Trump.
Patrick - May 08, 2016 - Report this comment
Lots of good references for those who studied history: National Bank, twenty dollar bill, Gallipoli, spit fire, trail of tears, British atrocities. Keep up the good work.
Callmelennie - May 09, 2016 - Report this comment
Flipped my Whig over this one!!
Michael Pacholek - December 27, 2016 - Report this comment
The real guys just did Churchill vs. Theodore Roosevelt. The universe was strong enough to contain the awesomeness. Barely.

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