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Song Parodies -> "George S. Patton vs. William the Conqueror"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"George S. Patton vs. William the Conqueror"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Ten HUT!
Epic Rap Battles of History!

George S. Patton!


William the Conqueror!


Americans love a winner.
That’s why they love me.
You never got Best Picture
from the Academy!
They tell me you’re a Bastard
But you’re not magnificent.
For fighting someone like me
you’ve got no precedent!
I’m gonna hold you by the nose
and kick you in the ass!
I’ll go through you like crap through a goose
you dumb French foie gras!
You’re not fighting Harold now.
I’m no long-haired Saxon.
I’m gonna beat you
like I was Daddy Joe Jackson!

This Yankee yahoo
thinks I should be scared?
Where I come from
I would call that thought “Merde!”
I don’t fear your riding crop
or your pearl-handled revolver.
You’re an Oscar winner?
More like Ensign Pulver!
I’ll spill your Blood and Guts
along the Channel coast.
The White Cliffs of Dover will be
as red as a Sunday roast!
I’m the meanest bastard
so swaggy and fly.
Your raps aren’t as sharp
as an arrow to the eye!

I’m gonna rewrite history.
Change what’s true.
When I’m through, people will view
a Blue Bayeux!
I’ll lead you to Rouen.
You can’t handle my Vexin.
And your waltzing Matilda
I’ll soon be sexin’!
Like you were one of my soldiers
I’ll slap you silly!
And everyone knows
I’ve got the bigger Willie!
I’ve burst your bubble
like your corpse that stank.
That’s the only way I’ll ever
have a lower rank!

Bollocks! I conquered England
all by myself!
Without Ike and Monty, you couldn’t
conquer Tottenham’s Shelf!
I’ve got a mighty Arsenal!
My men are United!
Blighty’s going to leave
your Third Army blighted!
This Norman’s no calf:
I’m stormin’ your gates
and I’ll slice you up
Like I was Norman Bates!
Never battle a man named
“The Conqueror”! For shame!
‘Cause, once again
I’ve earned that name!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!

Rap Battles of History!
At ease!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.2
How Funny: 3.2
Overall Rating: 3.2

Total Votes: 34

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   15
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   19

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Rob Arndt - January 21, 2016 - Report this comment
555! Too bad Patton was murdered for his knowledge of both Soviet atrocities committed against Allied troops but also the secrets of SS facilities in Thuringia and especially the Skoda Works at Pilsen which remain classified. He threatened to divulge those secrets. To go from car accident in which he was the only injured to almost full recovery in Frankfurt hospital to sudden death is highly suspect. He may have been poisoned to shut him up. At least MacArthur was just dismissed years later...!!!
Leough - January 21, 2016 - Report this comment
These battles are always very entertaining!
Patrick - January 23, 2016 - Report this comment
Two top notch warriors at their boastful best. Lines like "Kick you like Daddy Jackson" and "I've got the bigger Willie" are fun. I'd like to see these two duke it out in the ring with Vince McMahon as referee. One of your best rap battles yet.
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - February 03, 2016 - Report this comment
Really liked this one. "Blue Bayeux" - very clever.

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